2025
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I’ve made a decision and realized stuff
Last week. The last week of my internship and I have mixed feelings.
This is my fourth week at my internship. It has been good, it has been bad. I have asked a lot of questions, I have learned alot about the “school”, a lot about myself and a lot of decisions.
It has not been all gold and diamonds during these weeks. Stuff has happen that has made me cry. Meetings with my teacher and supervisor (always at every internship so it’s nothing new).
I have eyebrows. I promise. Haha!
Positive about the internship
- The nickname I have gotten from one child; miima and ima (it’s a bit hard for the child to say Emma, so it’s ok)
- The children feel safe around me
- Children are so safe that they fall asleep in my lap (biggest reward ever)
- The laughs between the children and I, all the playful moments, laughter and just.. being silly.
- Got to know the children (on a teacher student level)
Negative about the internship
- I had lumbar after first week at the internship so I couldn’t attend two days that week but struggled myself to the internship the other three days.
- Problems.
- Tears.
- The lifting of the children, in and out of chairs, couch etc.
- Bending down
- Their small children height tables
- Not allowed to have your own fashion style..
What I realized and all the decisions
- Working with children 1-3 years old isn’t for me nor my body.
- I actually don’t want to work at this town’s preschools so I’m gonna apply for work in other towns.
- Do not tell about family situation when it comes to matching times etc (I’ll explain later)
- I will still continue to study to become a preschool teacher, but for first, before becoming a PS teacher, I’ll check around on other work areas that I’ll be allowed to work with when this is over.
Today is the second last day (tomorrow is my last day) and I have honestly mixed feelings. Even though it has been a lot of problems here, it’s the kids I will be missing. I have gotten to know 35 kids and some has become really attached with me (I try really hard to back off from them but they are clinging on me haha!)
Yesterday when I was going home at the end of my “shift” at the internship, sooo many children didn’t want me to go. They hugged me, spoke to me, joked with me and hugged me even more. So this will be the part I will be missing alot. The beautiful connection I have with the children.
Maybe I will work as extra here but I am not sure yet due to what has happened.
A bit of today on next page
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Crazy weeks
Passed week. Shopping, internship, emotions, Rollercoaster with feelings and a big adventure.
Hello my loves! I hope you all are doing Okey. I will try to come back to the blog more often but this internship and mom life on same time as I do school work etc is pretty hectic.
Internship: It has been good until yesterday when everything flipped upside down. I can’t go into details, but it’s pretty bad with all the lies, etc. (Anxiety: the roller-coaster of feelings and emotions)
Positive note about the internship is that I have memorized all names on all 35 children plus adults. I have done school works that I had to do with the children and it was so much fun. I will write more about that later in another post.
Mom life part , well I’m a mom so it’s always hectic but I have actually challenged myself and been way out of my comfort zone when it comes to my son (I will write a post about the whole day and post pictures) – I took him to another city by train..alone.. no support or what so ever.
E has gotten a big-boy bike. He now owns his very first bike, and I laugh every time I think about it. He has the correct size on the bike for his age, but he is too tall for it, so the bike is small for him. But he has managed to crack the code of how to use the pedals, etc. Now it’s just the balance left, so we’re going to buy a new bigger bike for him so he can practice better.
Proud mom for sure.
I have a new phone and no pictures so I have nothing to post in this post until I’m on my laptop and can BT them over to the phone
Byee x
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OLED DISPLAY PANEL SMASHED
✨️ C H A O S ✨️
I did actually blog last Friday and wished you all happy Easter and showed photos from my day with family. But, it didn’t post.. it failed and when I was going to look and fix it so it would be published, it was gone.
Plus, my phone fell off a shelf when I was doing the dishes so it smashed onto a frying pan, in water, busted the display so it smashed the OLED panels on the display so I had to emergency empty the phone of medias I want to save ans pray to God that the phone will be with me til Friday when I hopefully get the new phone I just ordered.
I googled on how to get the green tint on screen gone and it says – due to it being a malfunction in the system and oled display panel, it can’t go away and they recommended me to empty the phone because when this happen, apparently a phone only survive a few days before the screen completely die.
And get it to a workshop to have the screen changed would cost me €400‐€600 .. and that is just the display.. My new phone i just bought cost me €1200.
Sure I actually love my Samsung S23 Ultra, I do but a new one cost as much as a S25 ultra so I upgraded. Hopefully in the future I will be able to fix the screen on my beloved s23 ultra but for now.. I have to try adapt to the S25 Ultra. I was looking on S26 Ultra but ohmygod it was €700 in price difference! No thank you!
So yeah, here’s why I have been quiet a bit.
Also I have been arguing with the school and internship about the times but sadly it didn’t work but M managed to fix his work schedules so I could attend the internship. First day starts tomorrow! So four weeks forward. Waking up 4.30 daily.. not looking forward to it.
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Wow I actually smashed it! I’m shocked!
First week of school for this semester and I have already smashed it! On a positive way.
Yes I cussed on the picture, therefor the blurred words. Sorry, but I am so happy!
I have been to school every day this week, and I am honestly proud of myself! Even today, with no sleep (when writing this post, I have been up for 30+ h. I don’t know why I haven’t been able to sleep.) but I smashed it.
This week we have had crafts on one class ~ make something (we had to think preschoolers) that they could tell us their feelings. Well, the class used papertowels rolls, some papers etc.. Me? I made an elephant in “3d”. First time I ever done one and honestly, I don’t like it. It’s not done yet though. It miss facial expressions etc.
I’m removing the black strings when they have helped me give shapes. And yes… It’s embarrassing, but hey, at least I did something else, and my teacher likes it. A lot. Ph, the clay thing next to it… I have also made that, but before holiday break. I didn’t have my tools, so it looks awful. Fun fact: I used to build and make a lot of things in clay and paint them. Roses, animals, statues, etc. I was so detailed on things, but sadly I lost interest in doing it, but I do kinda miss it.
Back to school week
Today I had an exam, and I smashed it. I got an A. 15 out of 17. One box was missed, so if I had answered that one (and not missed it), I would have had 16 out of 17 points instead. But it’s ok. I’m pretty ok with today’s result.
I have also sent assignments/essays to my teacher, so I’m actually a bit ahead of the class. Let’s hope that continues.
Slayed two makeup looks this week!
I am actually shocked! I have had two makeup looks in school this week, and I am so happy and proud of myself that I had that energy to do it. Making myself feel a little bit more alive when out in public. Lol! I will show pictures later, in an other post though
No sleep, yeah… I’m a walking zombie at the moment.
I couldn’t sleep. I had my usual things (sleeping pills, and no, I’m not ashamed of admitting that). After all, I’m keeping the blog raw and authentic, but they didn’t work. Why? I don’t know. So while I was awake, I studied, watched YouTube, did makeup, packed a bag, etc. Note that I was home alone, so I didn’t wake anyone up.
I pray to God I will be able to sleep tonight. I am so tired, but my brain is in full speed. Eyes are heavy, body aching. Feels like my body is about to collapse so let’s pray and hope that I will fall asleep tonight.
This weekend will test me if I don’t get any sleep. Studies, laundry, cleaning, cooking, household stuff, son being home (pray that he will be in good mood this weekend) and save the last makeup I have.
The makeup > E has currently ruined / destroyed a massive eyeshadow palette with neon colors that I finally started to use again. It makes me sad but, I’m not mad at him. Sure im said about my palette but im not mad. He is into makeup and that makes me happy, but I do wish he could stop use mine and use his own that I have for him. Yes. I have given my son eyeshadow palette of his own. One from my collection that I haven’t used. Daddy doesn’t approve but hey, im not judging and iam supporting my son to try new things so let’s go!
I’m actually going to wrap this post up for now, but I will be back soon. Much love, my beautiful souls 🤍
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Chaotic start of 2026
The focus, the stress and the chaos has been real! So glad it’s over for a little bit now.
Hello, my beautiful people! I apologize for not blogging this year (yet), but I have been stressed like a maniac!
Remember when I told you guys that my mental health isn’t so good and that it has been declining? Still low at the moment, but between Christmas and this last Saturday (January 3rd) I have been maniacally stressing through assignments, sending them in, correcting them, chatting with teachers about grades, school, etc. Last night I made, hopefully, the last piece for this semester.
Grades will be decided on January 8, and my next semester starts on January 12th, so I am back to school soon! Crazy!
Let’s appriciate the fact that I have gotten some energy back so I could do some makeup again 🙌🏻
I know that one course with the awful teacher who name-called me and disrespected me a lot this semester is done 🙌🏻 I passed it! Thank God.
Long story short, I passed Kost & Hälsa (Food & Health). I don’t know about the rest, but I had 50 assignments to send in before January 1st. Due to my mental health, I couldn’t make them earlier, but in one week, I made them all. The focus, the discipline, and the live chats I was on (TikTok), talking with friends, made me continue. I finished them! Woho!
So for this semester, I made a promise to myself to never let this happen again! So pray for me and my mental health.
Two more semesters and I a m d o n e finally! I have also made a decision to take a break from school (I have been studying nonstop for ten years) to focus on myself and to work.
So yeah, that has been my reality for the past… weeks? But here I am.