School; Preschool Teacher
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I’m not religious but THANK YOU JESUS AND GOD!
Thank GOD that these four weeks is over.
Cartoon filter on Today was the last day of my internship and I couldn’t be more happy!
I woke up today with a smile on my face. Even though it was super early. Tired but happy. After all, today was the f i n a l day at my internship.
I decided to put makeup on and bring my style out. Skulls, makeup, fixed hair etc. I was going out with a bang. I haven’t been allowed to have my style because it would scare the kids. I had actually been there with some t-shirts with gothic stuff and that wasn’t popular but I don’t own all black clothes and I refuse colorful.
So I went to my internship, all “glammed” goth up and the kids loved it. They got to see the real me. They didn’t get scared. They asked questions like “what do you have on your eyes?” Etc so I told them that it’s makeup. They complimented me so so much on it. Some of the smaller children were so cute, they were pointing on their face – like the eye and then at mine and all off the sudden said “wow”.
The fact that no child were scared made me so happy.
When I was going (end of my “shift”) I went and said good bye to all the kids. Thanked them for having me and so many children didn’t want me to leave. They wanted me to stay. That says ALOT in my ears.
Four weeks, 35 kids and they don’t want me to leave. Yet the staff / teachers didn’t like me and caused problems for me.
All I can say is, thank God it’s over. I’m so happy but also so sad because I will miss all the kids. The laughter, jokes, games, hide-and-seeks, chasing each other, the bridge I did with them when they had outdoor playtime, and all the hugs.
I will not miss the staff (except the food lady. She was super sweet) and in my opinion, their fakeness.
Yeah they will probably read this. I know my teach do HEY MARIANNE! and she probably show the principal. Oh that reminds me, they want a meeting with me on monday . Yay.
Oh, did I tell you guys that I have been sued by the preschool teachers? Why you might ask.. well here’s the truth; a child were abusing and punched another child in the face with their fist (ok let me make it easier ; Punching child will be X and the child who got beaten will be Y).
I may have been a student there but when I saw X punched with the first smack of fist on the child Y and I saw the child X was going to do it again with the other hand, I instantly said No out loud towards the child. Note that I was the only adult who saw it! The other adults had their backs towards the situation and that’s why iam being sued. I said no to a child. Even thought I spoke with the child afterwards and explained that I got scared when I saw it happen and I didn’t want to see stuff like that etc. On calm voice and low level. I even told one of the adults what happened and this adult J said “sometimes a punch is necessary!” Like excuse me..!? Are you for real!?
So I wrote to my teacher after we had a meeting at the internship saying that I will back off, not intervene when situations like that happen again. I also wrote “if the adults and preschool accepts abuse and punches, I will let them do their race. I won’t do a shit “.
That’s why I’m having a meeting with them on monday.
So that has been one of the “highlights” of these four weeks. Yes I was sarcastic when I wrote highlights..
Do you think I did wrong?
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I’ve made a decision and realized stuff
Last week. The last week of my internship and I have mixed feelings.
This is my fourth week at my internship. It has been good, it has been bad. I have asked a lot of questions, I have learned alot about the “school”, a lot about myself and a lot of decisions.
It has not been all gold and diamonds during these weeks. Stuff has happen that has made me cry. Meetings with my teacher and supervisor (always at every internship so it’s nothing new).
I have eyebrows. I promise. Haha!
Positive about the internship
- The nickname I have gotten from one child; miima and ima (it’s a bit hard for the child to say Emma, so it’s ok)
- The children feel safe around me
- Children are so safe that they fall asleep in my lap (biggest reward ever)
- The laughs between the children and I, all the playful moments, laughter and just.. being silly.
- Got to know the children (on a teacher student level)
Negative about the internship
- I had lumbar after first week at the internship so I couldn’t attend two days that week but struggled myself to the internship the other three days.
- Problems.
- Tears.
- The lifting of the children, in and out of chairs, couch etc.
- Bending down
- Their small children height tables
- Not allowed to have your own fashion style..
What I realized and all the decisions
- Working with children 1-3 years old isn’t for me nor my body.
- I actually don’t want to work at this town’s preschools so I’m gonna apply for work in other towns.
- Do not tell about family situation when it comes to matching times etc (I’ll explain later)
- I will still continue to study to become a preschool teacher, but for first, before becoming a PS teacher, I’ll check around on other work areas that I’ll be allowed to work with when this is over.
Today is the second last day (tomorrow is my last day) and I have honestly mixed feelings. Even though it has been a lot of problems here, it’s the kids I will be missing. I have gotten to know 35 kids and some has become really attached with me (I try really hard to back off from them but they are clinging on me haha!)
Yesterday when I was going home at the end of my “shift” at the internship, sooo many children didn’t want me to go. They hugged me, spoke to me, joked with me and hugged me even more. So this will be the part I will be missing alot. The beautiful connection I have with the children.
Maybe I will work as extra here but I am not sure yet due to what has happened.
A bit of today on next page
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Positive and negative but hey, one step forward.
Typical. When the internship has only been one week and my back decide to break down.
Hey guys! Last week (w. 15. 7 of April to 10th of april) I had my first week at the internship, like I wrote a little bit on the last post. Today was supposed to be the start of the second week – well supposed and supposed.. It is but sadly I had to stay home today.
L u m b a g o is back and it seems to really dislike me. It actually started one day during the internship. I felt the pain when I was around the kids so I said straight out “nooo nononononononooo” and my supervisor asked me what was wrong so I told her and last night it came.
Woho. Hopefully I can go back to the internship tomorrow if my back allows me. Normally I have lumbago for a week so pray for me 😵💫
Positive things during all this is that I have learned all 35 kids names and trust me, that has been hard. So I’m actually a bit proud of myself on that part and it is actually a big / huge step forward for me due to my memory loss due to stress and depression. So yay! 》I also have realized that (ok this might not be as positive but on same time it is) my body won’t be able to work with 1-3 year old children due to lifting, holding them etc. I love children but I have to listen to my body for once.
If I’m able to go back to the internship this week, I’m actually changing location to try and see how the next stage of preschool. 4-6 year old kids. I have met almost everyone of them – some (even at my place with 1-3 year olds) has been sick and had week off due to Easter break. But I still know their names and how they look like. They have their names and a picture of them on their dressing shelf (outdoor clothes. I dont really know what it calls so lets go with that).
An other positive thing is that I can continue with what am doing when moving in shadows! I promise I will tell you all later but for now. Shhhh 🤫
A negative thing; I bought new phone due to this phone’s OLED display panel is ruined and I was hoping I would get the phone pretty fast (normally within few days in Sweden) but sadly.. I don’t know when I’m gonna get it. I just got an email from the company that they are still waiting on the delivery of the phones to their warehouse. So I hope this phone holds on for a bit longer. I’m scared it will die on me and I have my banking, buscard etc on my phone. So I’m nervous, scared and extremely frustrated on the whole situation!
The phone wallet case has arrived though so I can protect the phone. But to be fair, I bought this phone as a present for myself when I graduated nurse assistant school and it’s about .. two or three years ago? Ohmygod. So long ago. I rarely change phones. Some people change often and here I come, with a phone that i bought years ago and before that I had my other phone for 4 years. Lol! So no I don’t spend a lot on technology except headphones. My laptop is 9 years and still working even with cracked frame. Lol!
Oh well, as they say, “someone who’s waiting on something good, never waits too long” (den som väntar på nått gott, väntar aldrig för länge). I think it’s just a swedish expression / saying but I can be wrong..
Spring is here. Finally. I will show you guys pics i have taken lately (Easter, weather changing within two days etc) soon.
I need to go rest now due to the lumbago. So I’m gonna put the phone away and listen to music while in bath, hoping that the pain will atleast get a little better.
Happy New week! And let’s kick .. ass.. Sorry it came up in my head. Maybe I should learn to not wrote everything that pops up in my head.
Bye my beautiful souls.
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I need to stop with positivity
Why is life so unfair?
Today I left school crying. Tears falling down my cheeks like Niagara Falls. I’m broken. Heartbroken. When finally something good happens in my life, its always something that will go wrong.
Seven months left. That is all. Seven months and I would be done with my education. Unfortunately it ended today. Why? Because of the internship I was supposed to have in two weeks.
Let me take it from start; I have been in contact with my supervisor ONCE (per email. One answer from her) and I got the schedule for my times at the internship which I had to message back, explaining about E, his autism diagnosis, school situation etc with him. I thought we would be able to work things out.. Like it has been done on all other places I have had internships at.
Then my teacher got an email in class so she came up to me and read it. They will not be able to adjust the schedule and said a lot more. This broke me. The teacher left the class after a short amount of time (well, pretty much instantly after she read the message) and I could feel how close my tears was..
So I packed my stuff and left. I went home. I called Michaela and cried!
Note that the supervisor has NOT messaged me anything about this.
I really wanted this. I really wanted to be able to work with special need children and later on study to become a preschool teacher.
But if I don’t have an internship at a preschool, I will automatically fail and therefore they will kick me out. I can’t continue.
So Sadly, my education ends today unless a freaking miracle happen.
So I think from now on, I need to stop with thinking positive about things, stuff, happenings etc. Because when ever something good happens to me, something will always knock me down and ruin things.
Anyway, rant over. I’m going to bed. Hopefully I can get some sleep. Due to all emotions, etc., today, I fell asleep when I came home, and I know that will mess up my sleep tonight, so let’s hope. Haha!
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Finally! Bring out the big guns!
Spring is officially here and i couldn’t be more happy!
Hello darlings! I hope you all are doing wonderful!
The winter is officially gone here, where I live. Well, we still have snow, but it’s melting away so fast! TIME TO BRING OUT THE BIG GUNS! (no weapon!) I can finally walk outside in my Crocs! Oh, how much I have been waiting on that! Yes... I use Crocs. Lol!
Moving in the shadows. That is one line that goes on repeat inside my head. That line, or “move in the shadows, babe.” I have seen too much of Charlotte Dobre on YouTube and even listened to her “podcast” on Spotify. Hilarious one! 10/10 recommend if you wanna laugh.
And moving in the shadows is exactly what am doing. What am doing I can not tell yet 🤫
Anyway, last time I posted here, I wrote about the new glasses. I have now been wearing them 24/7 (not really, but from the moment I wake up till the moment I go to sleep), and I can honestly say this will be a long two weeks to get my eyes used to them. Luckily I only have a week left-ish before I need to go back to those I bought the glasses from.
But so far I have noticed I see a little (just a teeny tiny bit) better with glasses on, but only when I see near/close, but I struggle a lot with looking a bit ahead. So hopefully it will get better soon, or else I just have to go back and have them fix new glasses in the glasses which I know will cost me. a lot of money. Sadly.
As you can see, the size of the glasses is massive compared to my sunglasses. It looks so funny but hey, I get alot of stares and looks but I dont care. I have no more energy to care about stuff like that.
✨️ working on my mental health and stepping away from negativity ✨️
I just noticed in my calender that in three weeks I have the four weeks long internship at a daycare (1-3 year old children). This time I will be at an other place due to problems on the last one. I was supposed to be a student, follow the supervisor and watch & learn but I got “thrown in” as a teacher instantly which I didn’t like (no problem at all but I didnt have experience in this working area). I used the motherly instincts that came automatically so I told my teacher what happened so she magically managed (after months!) finally found a new location for me.
Am I nervous? Yes. I don’t know how that location is. Will they accept me? Will they be rude towards me? Etc. Wouldn’t be the first place people would’ve been rude towards me there for this question.
So let’s hope that this time I will have a better experience 🤞🏻🤞🏻