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› First I was afraid, then I was petrified. AND It was very First time for him!
It’s been a few days since I blogged last time. Yes, I have had the blog constantly on my mind: “I must blog! I must do that, do this, write that, write this.” But honestly, I haven’t had the energy.
Lately my energy has been declining, so I think my iron in my blood is low again, so I need another round of infusion.
I fall asleep everywhere, and I mean everywhere, such as in school, on the sofa, on chairs, etc. It’s embarrassing, and it makes me mad. The last time I had this problem was in like 2021 or something.
I haven’t been able to go to school and participate well, and that stresses me out. The assignments are piling up, and I have like no energy to sit in front of the computer, let alone to study. It’s frustrating to be honest.
Even though I sleep (as much as possible at night when the headache/migraine is calm), I still go back to bed after I have my son sent off to school, or I fall asleep later in the evening.
Yes, I have tried to get a doctor’s appointment to get blood samples taken for iron but also for my pancreas and blood sugar, but no success. No one wants to help me. So that is frustrating me as well.
Ok, enough about negativity– yes I feel it became a lot of negativity but this has been bothering me so much lately.
Last week I went to the dentist and finally picked up my new mouth guard even though I was terrified of using one. Why? I had one when I was 15/16 and slept with it for one night, and the day after I woke up completely deaf in my right ear. It took 2 of my siblings plus my mom using forks to get that mouth guard off my teeth, and one of my siblings screamed right in my ear, and I couldn’t hear anything.
That’s why I am terrified, but to my surprise, I actually slept with it—the night after. I used it a lot during the day and evening to get used to it and also to see if my hearing gets affected again. NOPE! Hallelujah!
Tonight (Tuesday, 11th November) will be the 5th night I have it on when I’m sleeping. Sure, let me be honest, I wake up every morning still terrified about my hearing but slowly getting used to wearing it.
Does it give me ache in jaws and head? Yes. Massively.
Is it worth it? Hopefully.
I got this for two/three reasons. 1. I grind my teeth when I’m sleeping, apparently. I don’t know. 2. To help relax my jaw muscles 3. To help with my headaches/migraines. So far? No clue if it works. I haven’t noticed a difference, but I’m still going to use it.
Birthday Party!
E was invited to his very first birthday party and I couldn’t be happier. Ofcourse I was there as well to help if needed (or support my son in meltdowns etc) but it all went so good. I actually cried of happiness!
At first I was (of course. As an autism mother you are always on your toes) nervous but also excited! My baby is going on his first birthday party.
Off to the bus stop we go!!
Safety first! That applies to the backpack as well!
Washing machine was very interesting!
Cooking and doing laundry.
Coloring & cutting
Fun!
On our way back home.
I can honestly say, I am super proud of E. No meltdowns. No scream. Curious and didn’t want to listen—yeah, of course. New place, new people—new impressions.
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› Choose your battles.
Good morning, my beautiful people! I hope you all are doing well. I’m currently back home. Was supposed to get E to school, but he had tantrums outside, so he woke the neighbors, so they were looking through their blinds.
I finally managed to get us back home (tantrum for 40 minutes outside with no luck), so today he will be home from school. With lack of sleep and this morning, I can honestly say, I am tired.
Yes, I am keeping my life in the blog raw and authentic. I’m not going to sugarcoat the reality. I’m sharing my life because I know I have other autistic families who read the blog, and we know the struggles sometimes. Some days are good, and some days are a bit of a struggle. It’s the reality of a family with a person who has special needs.
So today will be a day to stay home. This has started to happen daily now, so I have notified the school what’s going on and that we will be at school when the situation is calm and better. They are ok with that. Sadly, today will be a stay-at-home day.
So this was my morning. How is your morning?
Choose your battles.
~ Unknown
No, I do not have pictures of the situation and what happened. My focus is to calm the situation, and taking photos/videos during a breakdown is nothing I do.
Reason for this morning’s meltdown: bus.My son loves busses and these mornings for the past few days has been very difficult. He wants to go for a ride in the buses, but we don’t need to take the bus to the school. The situation escalates every time, but what can I do? All I can do is handle the situations by remaining calm, try to calm down the situations, and keep my son safe.
“Autism doesn’t come with an instruction guide. It comes with a family who will never give up.”
~ Kerry Magro
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› Its June, I am ashamed and it’s soon time to go.
why am I ashamed? because I have wanted to blog for a long long time but havent really had anything to blog about. My life has honestly been very down lately but I feel its getting a bit better.
I have started to “take care” of myself better, put myself first (well.. my son comes first but you get it). I have been distancing myself more from people due to have been surrounded by toxic people. Kinda detoxing from people so I can heal.
I even cut “friends” out from my life due to lies, scam etc. Scams? Lies? Yes, you read it right. Who I thought was my friend used me and manipulated me til I put my foot down and asked my best friend for help.
I even failed school due to my son being sick so much so I missed out ~ ofcourse my son comes first! Don’t get me wrong ~ so I decided to stop attending or what to call, which means I failed school.
I have not picked up my cameras more than maybe twice since I was in Amsterdam. I lost the passion of using my cameras but have used my phone to take photos, which really havent been any “use” to show here on the blog nor Instagram.
I’ve stopped using social medias due to lost intests and feeling pressure to put on makeup, fix the esthetic feelings on photos etc just to please people. I was “like/following” hungry before but I realized .. whats the point? Why chase something that is no need when it comes to people who doesn’t care .. like genuinely cares about my content.. other than have a following of people who really actually care about my stuff my photos, my thoughts etc. For me, that is more important. Having a connection with readers, followers etc.
So right now I’m focusing on myself while also trying to remember how to breathe and how to be alone instead of trying to be surrounded by people the whole time. The next two weeks will be a challenge for me. Switzerland , yes its time to go to Switzerland. I have honestly not been looking forward to it due to three reasons, 1. We are going with an other family that the husband/father I dislike.. like massively dislike. 2. Knowing the reality that im the one who’s gonna be the only parent on the trip while M will have fun (dont get me wrong, I love my son but sometimes I want to kinda.. walk around, breathe and just think by myself) 3. Switzerland is a very beautiful country from what I have googled and heard from people but its not really a country that “speaks” to me to come visit but I’m trying to think positive about it ~ first outside Sweden vacation with my son (even though the responsibilities will be 1000% on me) & new views to see & snap photos of ofcourse.
Today I have actually
✅️ emptied all the memory cards ✅️ Charged batteries to the cameras ✅️ Written a whole new list of our stuff to bring ✅️ Ordered stuff that is needed (medicines etc) ✅️ Packed down my camera gears
So now its only clothes, electronics etc that need to be packed down in the suitcase which I will do tomorrow while son is at school. Also a seperate bag for E’s stuff to have in car to entertain him when we arent at playgrounds on the road. I have also written a list of what to bring for E and the car ride . Yes it might sound ridiculous but I take precautions any time instead of his his tantrums (autistic & non verbal) and him being absolutely bored. Remind you that he is just seven years old so he ain’t getting electronics. What I have written on the list is just coloring pens, papers, toys, his stuffed animal, kickbike + helmet, football and few books. Something to keep him a bit occupied when not looking out through the windows which he loves when going on car rides.
Parents with children who travel , is there something I should think of?
This is the very first time we go outside Sweden and actually for a long car ride with E (son) so we dont really know but ofcourse im using my mama feelings but it feels like im missing something or somethings but dont know what.
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› Spring Mood and mental health.
How are you guys? Happy Easter! I know I’m late but we still celebrate Easter in Sweden. Well we don’t celebrate it but many swedes do. Honestly I don’t know how to celebrate Easter except go out and “trick or treat” as you do on Halloween but instead saying “trick or treat” you say “Happy Easter” and receive candy or money. Weird for me and no I’m not taking my son out doing that.
Anyway, let’s continue.
It is official.. Spring is here in Sweden!! The other day as I walked to the bus from school, a little small ladybug flew and sat on my shirt. I noticed it when I was standing at the busstop.
one little bug can make a person happy. It’s officially spring and summer is on its way! So hard to believe it though. Long cold, freezing cold winter is finally over for this time.
I cant wait to the sun, warmth, being able to sunbathing, go for long long walks again. Such a motivation.
I also feel that my mental health is getting a bit better. It is still there but a lot better. Working hard towards recovery is a long way but I have managed to move a few steps forward which makes me so happy. Having bad days is normal though for people and I still have them but I think I’m out of the deepest funk that I have been in. Woho.
Goals for the Spring season; Get better mentally • try lose some weight • work hard in school even though I know im gonna fail this semester but atleast I’m trying • try to become the Emma I use to be ●● oh, start planning for the vacation! So much to plan when traveling with an autistic child.
Do you have any plans for the Spring season?
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› 7 years ago ..
Today is not a regular day because it is my child’s birthday! HOORAY HOORAY HOORAY!
Seven years ago I became a mom. Despite what doctors told me. They have always told me to give up on my biggest dream to become a mother. It would never happen due to my PCOS.
and seven years ago i gave birth to my beautiful baby boy. My little handsome man. My little man.
my angel. the love of my life. I can’t believe that I got the gift and blessing to become your mother.
a traumatic pregnancy and a more traumatic experience when giving birth, i will forever be thankful for what I, as a person and my mentally was able to do.
life sure tests us with your diagnosis but man I grow as a mother and as a person everyday thanks to you my love.
Happy Birthday E 🎂 🥳🎉