alternative style – The EVERFLOW

Looking back at an old blog from 2017, old selfies, forgotten memories, family, grief, growing older and the person I used to be..

Having a best friend who stalks my old blog — okay, not stalks, but checks it from time to time — is actually hilarious.

I had completely forgotten about it. Not the blog itself, but the name of it! Until she sent me the link.

Oh my god.

I wrote on that blog last time on December 1, 2017. That is almost 9 years ago.

Going through the posts, seeing the pictures and reading a bit was a roller-coaster of emotions. Sometimes I laughed and sometimes I fought not to shed tears.

Reading about when I was learning Arabic, dealing with my mom’s cancer, my dad’s death and so much more… it really brought back a lot.

One thing I found absolutely hilarious was all the old photos of myself. WAOW! Holy… I don’t even know — cheese? 👀

Oh well. I was NOT ready for it.

I had completely forgotten about my “signature” selfie style. The makeup. The poses. Oh lord, how embarrassing!

Mind you, that blog had over 150 subscribers/followers that I called “ghosts” because I was obsessed with Halloween back then and I’m still obsessed with Halloween now. 😂

So at least 150 people saw those photos. I eventually closed down that blog because there was a lot going on in my personal life. I had no energy. Nothing to write about that felt worth writing about.

Not that EverFlow is much better…Haha!

These are a few of the pictures I found of myself on that blog and I am laughing so hard at myself.

Like… wow. How?!

My best friend said I looked older back then and I’m like: “Excuse me?” She said I should take it as a compliment that I look “younger” now.

She’s weird… I know. 😂

Anyway, have fun.

Enjoy these 9 horrible photos of me from when I was 26–27 years old. Yup. i was almost 30 and walked around looking like that. I’m turning 36 now and barely wear makeup anymore.

What a journey and roller-coaster of thoughts, feelings etc 😂🖤

Trying to reconnect with confidence I used to have.

Even though I smile infront of the camera, I struggle.

After a while, I finally did my makeup again.

People were staring at me while I was walking down the street on my way to pick up my son.

Honestly?
I don’t care. Sorta.

I’m alternative, and when I finally have both the energy and the time to do my makeup, I do it.

Today’s look was black, brown, and red around the eyes.

I’m also trying to step out of my comfort zone by wearing black eyeshadow again as a plus size woman.

A few years ago, after losing 40 kg, I used to wear dark makeup all the time and felt amazing and confident.

With filters? Sure. But real life feels different sometimes.

Today… I don’t feel that confidence the same way anymore.
At least not outside.