π· The Goth Mom Chronicles
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βΊ Finding My Old Blog After 9 Years | Memories, Old Photos & Who I Used to Be
Looking back at an old blog from 2017, old selfies, forgotten memories, family, grief, growing older and the person I used to be..
Having a best friend who stalks my old blog β okay, not stalks, but checks it from time to time β is actually hilarious.
I had completely forgotten about it. Not the blog itself, but the name of it! Until she sent me the link.
Oh my god.
I wrote on that blog last time on December 1, 2017. That is almost 9 years ago.
Going through the posts, seeing the pictures and reading a bit was a roller-coaster of emotions. Sometimes I laughed and sometimes I fought not to shed tears.
Reading about when I was learning Arabic, dealing with my mom’s cancer, my dad’s death and so much more… it really brought back a lot.
One thing I found absolutely hilarious was all the old photos of myself. WAOW! Holy… I don’t even know β cheese? π
Oh well. I was NOT ready for it.
I had completely forgotten about my “signature” selfie style. The makeup. The poses. Oh lord, how embarrassing!
Mind you, that blog had over 150 subscribers/followers that I called “ghosts” because I was obsessed with Halloween back then and I’m still obsessed with Halloween now. π
So at least 150 people saw those photos. I eventually closed down that blog because there was a lot going on in my personal life. I had no energy. Nothing to write about that felt worth writing about.
Not that EverFlow is much better…Haha!
These are a few of the pictures I found of myself on that blog and I am laughing so hard at myself.
Like… wow. How?!
My best friend said I looked older back then and I’m like: “Excuse me?” She said I should take it as a compliment that I look “younger” now.
She’s weird… I know. πAnyway, have fun.
Enjoy these 9 horrible photos of me from when I was 26β27 years old. Yup. i was almost 30 and walked around looking like that. I’m turning 36 now and barely wear makeup anymore.
What a journey and roller-coaster of thoughts, feelings etc ππ€ -
βΊ 10 Days Later: Still Fighting the Pain After Breaking My Foot
Hey guys!
So sorry that I haven’t been updating EverFlow like I normally do (texts etc. Like this post), but hopefully that will change soon. No… it will change soon! I also apologize for the lack of communication from my side. I see all your comments and love π€ I will answer them as soon as I can! I also want to apologize for not sharing photos yet from my trip but they will come. Be prepared!
How are you guys? Happy new month! (Yeah, I know… we’re already three days into it. π)I hope you’re all doing fantastic. Thriving, growing and, most importantly, being happy!
My main focus lately has actually been my foot and my knee. It hurts so much, but because I’m stubborn I’ve already started walking on my foot again. Do I suffer because of it? Absolutely. Am I supposed to be resting with my foot up? Yep. But is there really time for that? Not really. Housework, mom life… life doesn’t exactly hit the pause button.
Today I have actually challenged myself. Not a small challenge… a big, exhausting one.
Normally it takes me about five minutes to walk to the store and another five minutes back. Today? Twenty minutes each way. Forty minutes in total… and let me tell you, I do not need a gym membership while I’m on these crutches. π That is one thing for sure!
The sweat was definitely sweating, I can assure you. Imagine me jumping around on crutches while E walks at the speed of a cheetah. It was basically Snail vs. Cheetah.
It’s been 10 days now and my foot still hurts. Like I said above… and no, I still haven’t been given any painkillers, no matter how many times I’ve asked.
So to try and ease the pain a little, I bought a pair of compression socks because the area around my toes is getting absolutely destroyed from walking the way I do with the boot.
It actually helped a little… but it also squeezed parts of my foot I didn’t even know existed. π So, of course… more pain. Those socks are TIGHT. Like… “is my blood circulation still working?” tight. I wore one for two days, though. I even fell asleep with it on the first night.
Yep… that’s pretty much my life right now.
I’m just hoping, wishing and praying these next few weeks fly by, because I’m honestly getting pretty tired of being in pain. -
βΊ What I Wish I Knew During My Darkest Depression
Have you ever had the thought, βIf I could go back in time, what would I tell my younger self?β
For me⦠honestly, this post will be 1000% raw and authentic. The truth will be told here.
β οΈ Warning: mentions ofsuicide and self-harm β οΈ
If Iβm being honest, I wish I could go back to the time when I was at my deepest depression β when I harmed myself badly, wrote goodbye letters to my mum, and tried so many times to end my life.
I wish I could go back in time and tell my mum not to worry β that I wouldnβt do it. Back when I slept with kitchen knives (not the ones you eat with) under my pillow.
Depression made me awful to my mum. Me harming myself hurt her deeply. I was awful to my siblings too, who dropped everything the second they noticed I was gone. My brother drove back and forth looking for me. My siblings ran around calling my name, trying to find me, terrorized by the calls and the fear of not knowing where I was.
If I could turn back time and know what I know today, I would have stopped.
I would have told younger Emma (yes, thatβs my name, but I go by Mii):
Donβt do it. Itβs not worth it. You will have your own family one day. You need to stay strong so you can be there for them β and for mum when she gets older.
Or maybe just a few simple words:
Itβs not worth it.
Sorry for such a deep conversation, but I wanted you to know a little bit of my background before sharing what I would have said to my younger self.What would you have told your younger self?
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βΊ Last-Minute Shopping in Sofia Before My Day Trip to NiΕ‘, Serbia
Good evening from Sofia, Bulgaria!
I hope you’re all doing well! Me, on the other hand, am melting away in this heat. π₯΅
I went shopping today. I bought an ugly and I mean UGLY Nike backpack to use tomorrow and on Wednesday. Yes, I actually planned ahead for once. π My son will be using it for school afterwards, so it’s not just for these two trips.
Today’s shopping (God, I’ve been shopping so much while I’ve been here. I’ll make a full list later… if I can remember everything.)
β Backpack
β Sports drinks
β Salted chips
β Pepsi Max
I’ve already packed my backpack for tomorrow since I’m trying to stay awake all night so I don’t miss the subway to the bus station. My bus to NiΕ‘, Serbia leaves at 7:30 a.m. π΅βπ«
Nope… I still haven’t slept.
β Extra clothes
β Drinks
β Chips
β Passport
β Medicines
β Extra bag
β Electronics
β€ Camera battery charger
β€ Phone charger
β€ Two power banks
β€ Extra camera batteries
β€ Camera
β€ Two lenses
β One pair of shoes
β Hand sanitizer
β Wipes
That’s pretty much it. I’ve probably forgotten something, but right now I’m lying in bed trying to get some rest. I’ve set 15 alarms, so hopefully I’ll actually wake up and get my ass to the subway in time.
These two day trips are just the tip of the iceberg. I’ll finally be able to cross a few things off my bucket list. Even if it’s only for a few hours, I’m still visiting three countries in two weeks. That’s a lot for me, and I’m beyond excited!
On another note…
My vacation is coming to an end, and that makes me feel a little bit of everything.
I’m sad because the time has gone by so fast, but I’m also happy because I’ll finally get to kiss my baby boy and give him the biggest hug. β€οΈ -
βΊ ADHD Chaos: I Accidentally Booked Two Day Trips
β¨οΈ Whoopsii β¨οΈ
MORE ADHD CHAOS!
And trust me, this is even worse than the purple hair dye!
It’s currently 5 a.m. here in Bulgaria, and I just had a crazy idea. Since I was bored, I opened Google to see if I could visit another country bordering Bulgaria while I’m here in Sofia.Being bored & having ADHD is clearly a dangerous combination π
OOPS!.. I DID SOMETHING!
Adventure time!
Two Day trips within three days.
Two different countries!
Pinch me!
Monday (20th) β NiΕ‘, Serbia π·πΈ
Wednesday (22nd) β Skopje, North Macedonia π²π°AAH! I AM SO EXCITED!!
The buses leave ridiculously early both times, but hey… I managed to stay awake when I travelled to Bulgaria, so I don’t think it’ll be a problem.
Guys… a day trip to another country? Twice?!
I’m beyond excited, but I’m also in complete shock. I knew it was possible to visit another country within a few hours, but this? This is absolutely ridiculous!
Before I fly home to Sweden on the 24th, I’ll have visited two more countries.
So this vacation will officially look like this:
Sweden β Bulgaria β Serbia β Bulgaria β North Macedonia β Bulgaria β Sweden
How crazy is that?
Funny little fact: I was actually planning to spend my vacation in Skopje, North Macedonia, but at the very last minute I changed my mind and booked Sofia instead.
Looks like I’m getting to visit Skopje after all!Well… I guess my ADHD brain planned the rest of my vacation. I got bored in Bulgaria and somehow end up booking day trips to two different countries. Let’s see if this turns out to be the best idea I’ve ever had… or the worst. π Who knows? It might be the best part of the trip.
But honestly, sometimes, having ADHD can be both a blessing but also a curse. At this moment, its a mix of both. A blessing because it came up with these ideas and curse because it made me purchase the tickets.
Life with β¨οΈ ADHD β¨οΈ is wonderful.. sometimes.