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› The Audacity! How Are You Not Embarrassed?
THE AUDACITY. The sheer audacity of this woman to even think I would participate.
No. Absolutely not after everything she put me through.
For those of you who do not know about this whole situation, let me explain.
I was studying the first step toward becoming a preschool teacher. I had almost finished one full year and only had five months left when everything happened. During that time, I was doing my internship at a preschool.
Let me just say this: they completely screwed me over.
Dangerously false accusations were made against me, and neither the teacher, the principals (yes, two different principals), nor even their boss actually listened to my side of the story. Instead, I got kicked out because of it all.
And honestly? It still pisses me off.
Now to the actual audacity.
The teacher invited me to the last school day before summer break.
Yeah… no.
I am not doing that.
When I told some of my classmates what had actually happened, they were genuinely shocked. Meanwhile, the teacher kept saying things like:
“Emma, you can come if you want to. It would be good for you.”Good for me? Seriously?!
After everything that happened, it honestly just feels insulting. Like being spat in the face and then politely invited back to smile about it.
So no. I would honestly rather stay home, sleep, or go into the city and buy Pepsi Max instead.
I even wanted to reply to the invitation with a few gifs that I sent to my best friend/cousin afterward. Let us just say… the gifs had opinions. Strong ones.
But she told me:
“Be the bigger person.”
So fine. I will behave.
Still tempted, though.
And no, I will not share the gifs here either. Sorry. -
› Move in the shadows
“Keep moving in the
shadows babe’s”
– Charlotte Dobre
That is exactly what I am doing. I’m just moving in the shadows. Not telling anyone around me my plans, ideas, thoughts, etc. (those I haven’t told don’t know about my blog), and honestly, it feels so good. Not having to worry about judgments, arguments, etc.
Keeping my weight loss journey, the education, and my mental health away from certain people makes life so much easier. Knowing how they would behave, react, laugh, be mean, etc., wouldn’t help me keep going.
Today I have actually studied! Yes, it’s true! I have even sent in three assignments! Now I only need to do the rest of the assignments, and I will be on the same level as the class. Oh, who am I? Haha!
Today has also been an energy-stealing-upsetting-mode day. This came a few hours after I studied.
I have cried. I became insecure about stuff, and I couldn’t shake it off. Millions of thoughts, tears, music and and screams inside my head. When I saw E’s face when opening the door and he said, “Hello, friend,” everything went away for a bit. I’m in bed, and it has come back, but this time, I’ll fight it.
REGRETS
I shouldn’t have eaten that sausage now before bed, or in general. Having toast (grain bread) and a slice of sausage on the toast made the calorie scale go above the limit for the day. Like, excuse me? Apparently, the bread I’m eating isn’t healthy either! Even though it says it is and the ingredients are healthy, I guess I was wrong. Also, my breakfast All-Bran flakes aren’t healthy either… So I need to Google what safe foods are and what’s OK to eat while on a weight loss journey.
It’s Monday, and I’m just a few days in on the new weight loss path I’m on, so I’m not worried. I will try harder and learn more about nutrition, healthy and unhealthy foods, hidden sugars, etc., so I can achieve my goals.
Weight loss journey talk here
Today I tried “normal” food—hash browns—for dinner, and knowing how much fat is in them and knowing how the pan would look after they had been in the oven, I wasn’t so tempted to eat them, but I had to eat. My blood sugar was getting low. Seeing how the pan looked like after they were done, I couldn’t eat more than three of them. I made five each (15 in total) due to them not being big (they are small).
Today in list
- power nap- 1h
- studied for 3h
- sent 3 assignments to my teachers
- dinner > 3 hash browns w/ lingonberry jam (which I regret)
- “Hello friend!” makes me smile every time
- regrets
- insecurities & tears
I apologize for writing this post all jumpy on different subjects. My brain isn’t functioning right now due to a massive headache, so I’m actually just going to try to get some sleep before E comes to my bed.
Goodnight pumpkins!