Having time alone for yourself is a gift I wish I could have more often.

The first semester of this year and education is coming to an end. Finally. This semester has not been a good one for me (body crash down, migraines, tiredness, etc.), so I hope the next semester will be better and more on my side.

The teacher has made our schedule into two subjects for 11 weeks, and after those weeks, we have the rest of the subjects for another 11 weeks. This put a stress on me honestly. When I studied last year, the courses I had were on 10 weeks, and that gave me so much stress, so I told my teacher about this and that I might ask for an extension of the courses. I would rather do 5 courses in a whole semester than 11 weeks of two and 11 weeks of the rest.

keeping it real. My gray hair is waving hello to everyone.

My diet has failed miserably.  The 16:8 was no bueno for my diabetes, and I have noticed that I get hungry after, like, 3 or 4 hours after dinner, so I must eat—or else I can’t sleep for the night. 

The swimming as I planned for exercise is a flop. The swimming hall is not open when I have no school. The only time they have exercise swimming is two days a week between 6 and 8 am. Like, excuse me?? Who is up and ready at that time? Well, I’m up, but I am definitely not ready for anything at that time. 

So I have to look into something else. It’s truly a bummer because I had prepared myself mentally to actually get into the waters with people looking, etc. It’s scary.

Sadly I have gained weight, which is upsetting for me. Due to me not feeling well but having tried to eat good, etc.—the shit I eat that says it’s healthy is actually not! 

For example, I eat Turkish yogurt, natural with 91% whole grain cereals and a tablespoon of strawberry jam (I literally cannot eat all plain yogurt), and that is like 600+ calories! The jam is only 40 calories… but the rest!?!?!?!?!?! Now that is pissing me off, honestly.

I use an app (it’s a cute monster on it; therefore, I use it) called Yazio, and on that app I use the can/camera/scanning bar codes to check for calories, fat, protein, etc., and pretty much e v e r y t h i n g is a lot of calories and fat. So I honestly don’t know what to do. I think I’m going to contact a dietitian and ask for advice, etc. (even though I know what to eat and what to avoid) because for me, it doesn’t help with veggies (I eat a l o t of veggies) and barely helps me avoid as much fat and carbohydrates (or what it calls) as possible and add more protein supplements like turkey, chicken, etc. Yet I gain weight. I am very strict and firm with what I eat. I haven’t eaten candy for sooo long. Nor chips or popcorn (yes, I have quit eating popcorn). No cookies, cakes, etc. I have cut as much sugar out as possible (I can’t avoid sugar in food (not adding) that is in pretty much everything).

I’m going to figure something out... the question is only what...

I’m going to go to sleep now. My left eye is “burning” so much and has been doing that pretty much all day. I blink constantly, and it’s annoying.

Speaking of the first line in this post, note that I am a full-time student plus a full-time mom. So having moments by myself is golden hour for me. My time. My alone time. Which normally contains watching YouTube or playing a game I just found (last night), and it’s super addictive.  Only today the showing of the time I spent on my phone… 14 hours... 12 hours is the game. Now that’s insane! So I’m thinking of uninstalling the game due to my being glued to the phone for 12 hours straight! That’s awful! It’s insane how phones, social media, and games can take up so much of your time and how super addicted we are to all of it. It’s actually scary, to be honest.

Anyway, Im off to bed. Tomorrow plans; hospital – library (or something) to sit down and focus on studying. Disassemble my son’s bed so he can get his brand new bed. A big boy bed!

Goodnight.