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› The Hug I Really Needed
I Went Into Town Angry and Came Home Almost Crying
Am I losing it? My mind?
I made the decision to not continue school because of everything that happened. I told the teacher. I told my classmates. And still, she sends out the next semester schedule and information about what books we need.
Like… why?
So now it has me thinking. Even though it would be a financial struggle for me, maybe I should continue after all.
Why?
Well… partly because I honestly want to piss the teacher and principal off. Yes, I am petty. I know that. But after everything they put me through, can you really blame me?
But there is another reason too.
If I do not have school or a job and I am home during after-school hours, my son will lose his after-school care placement even though he genuinely needs it for his social development, routines, and support.
So I am stuck in a really difficult situation right now.
Because the truth is: I *do* want this education. You all know that. But at the same time, the principal, the internship, and the teacher completely killed my sparkle for it.
And honestly? Staying home all day would probably mess up my head too.
Speaking of the internship…
Today when I went into town for a meeting, I got the biggest hug.
I was walking between the coffee shop windows and the small bus station when I suddenly heard knocking on the glass. So I turned around and there she was — a mom I used to work with — smiling and pointing toward a child inside the café.
The SECOND that little girl saw me, she started jumping up and down.
I rushed inside immediately.
And oh my God 😭
The second I got through the doors, she came RUNNING toward me so fast that I barely had time to lean down before she literally flew up onto me and wrapped herself around me like a tiny octopus.
She did NOT want to let go.
I have not seen her since my internship ended, so seeing her again honestly hit me right in the heart.
Then her mom told me something that almost made me cry right there in the café.
Apparently, this little girl asks almost every single day:
“Where is Emma? Is Emma coming?”
That completely broke my heart.
So I explained to her mom what actually happened during my internship and how I had been treated. Let us just say… she got MAD. Like genuinely angry on my behalf.
Meanwhile, my little octopus was still clinging onto me 😭
Unfortunately, we eventually had to separate because I had a meeting to get to and she was there with her mom and friends.
But wow…
I really needed that hug more than I realized.
Me and this child connected instantly from my very first day there (not the child connected to the accusations before anyone starts wondering), and seeing her again honestly made me remember why I loved this in the first place.
A small hug really can make the world feel softer sometimes.
And today, I really needed that softness.So this had me thinking as well.
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› I’ve made a decision and realized stuff
Last week. The last week of my internship and I have mixed feelings.
This is my fourth week at my internship. It has been good, it has been bad. I have asked a lot of questions, I have learned alot about the “school”, a lot about myself and a lot of decisions.
It has not been all gold and diamonds during these weeks. Stuff has happen that has made me cry. Meetings with my teacher and supervisor (always at every internship so it’s nothing new).
I have eyebrows. I promise. Haha!
Positive about the internship
- The nickname I have gotten from one child; miima and ima (it’s a bit hard for the child to say Emma, so it’s ok)
- The children feel safe around me
- Children are so safe that they fall asleep in my lap (biggest reward ever)
- The laughs between the children and I, all the playful moments, laughter and just.. being silly.
- Got to know the children (on a teacher student level)
Negative about the internship
- I had lumbar after first week at the internship so I couldn’t attend two days that week but struggled myself to the internship the other three days.
- Problems.
- Tears.
- The lifting of the children, in and out of chairs, couch etc.
- Bending down
- Their small children height tables
- Not allowed to have your own fashion style..
What I realized and all the decisions
- Working with children 1-3 years old isn’t for me nor my body.
- I actually don’t want to work at this town’s preschools so I’m gonna apply for work in other towns.
- Do not tell about family situation when it comes to matching times etc (I’ll explain later)
- I will still continue to study to become a preschool teacher, but for first, before becoming a PS teacher, I’ll check around on other work areas that I’ll be allowed to work with when this is over.
Today is the second last day (tomorrow is my last day) and I have honestly mixed feelings. Even though it has been a lot of problems here, it’s the kids I will be missing. I have gotten to know 35 kids and some has become really attached with me (I try really hard to back off from them but they are clinging on me haha!)
Yesterday when I was going home at the end of my “shift” at the internship, sooo many children didn’t want me to go. They hugged me, spoke to me, joked with me and hugged me even more. So this will be the part I will be missing alot. The beautiful connection I have with the children.
Maybe I will work as extra here but I am not sure yet due to what has happened.
A bit of today on next page
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› What kind of education is this!? I am so confused
Sometimes I wonder what kind of class I’m studying.. Sockpuppets??
We had a theme.. Animals and staff in preschool. Make sockpuppets to have a theater to solve conflicts.. I didn’t want to make an adult so I made a weird looking bat. To my defense, the scissors to cut with was awful. If I had my tools that I had at home, it would be alot prettier. Lol. Now it looks.. I don’t know.. But it looks funny!
Sadly my teacher told me to do a sockpuppet you can use it to “talk”.. No. Those gives me creeps. Lol! Luckily, I can do what I want and no need to do anything else. Lol when it comes to crafting will mean.
Hi hello my beautiful souls! My life has been insanely dumb towards me there for I have been quiet. I actually made a recap post yesterday but didn’t post it due to me writing it on my way to school and I actually got “car sick” lol. Bus sick maybe is a better term. I will post it later though.
BUT HOW ARE YOU!? Suck a long time ago (January 22nd I think)
I apologize for my absence. Long story short (longer in an other post) mental health, new medicine, stopped instantly with my old medicine with out “stepping out” on it and a lot more.
Here I am though! Not mentally stable yet but slowly working towards it! One step at the time!
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› Panic, but I think I made it, but it made my head go loco.
the hustle. the stress. the panic. the warnings. It made my head go loco.
But guess who managed to fix it? I DID!!!! I got a warning from my teacher that I was about to fail some classes, and this is the last week I have to do the last of the assignments. I have been sitting for several days for HOURS and just worked my butt off and sent them in. I now “only” have five left plus a presentation on Monday, and after that I am done for this first semester!
So I am extremely happy and actually surprised, plus in shock of myself. One week and I have sent in… I don’t know how many assignments. Is that my ADHD working? Better under pressure? I have no idea, but I can honestly say—next semester and the last one, I do NOT want to do this again!
So because of this, my head is now all loco! Hopefully I can take a small break this weekend and get some rest for my head but if I know myself.. I won’t.
This year my mental health has really declined so much, but I’m hopeful that next year will be a better year. I started with a new medicine a week ago for my ADHD (I requested it myself), and it has actually helped me get a bit more focus. Sure, I’m still tired, so I also got new sleeping pills that knock me completely out. So I haven’t taken them every day—two pills since last week. I will only take it when E is not home and I have nothing important the day after. Mama needs her sleep! That’s why I’m hopeful! Hopefully it will help me get better.
I have even started to do some makeup which has been superloooong time ago. Last Monday (15th) I had red eyelook and visited my last internship location before school. Let me tell you guys, the look on my kids / students. Oh my. They complimented me so much and that actually made me happy so I have been using makeup twice this week.
So I am a bit hopeful about 2026. I’m working hard to become myself. The bubbly, happy, laughing, goofy Emma.
Thank you everyone for reading. 🤍 As you know, my head is all messed up now, so I apologize that I haven’t answered any comments yet. I will when my head allows me. Even writing this post takes energy. Plus I have been at an education presentation today, and I actually fell asleep for a few seconds, so today is a tired day for me.
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› Today was a fun day, but I have a lot of thoughts going on in my head. Help?
Two things in this post. Please answer the list part. If you can ofcourse.
Sometimes it’s all listening and no fun, but also sometimes we have fun. Today was one of those days!
Hello, my loves! I hope you all are doing good today!
Today i have actually been the whole day in school except for the last hour because I had to leave earlier so I could catch the bus so I could get my son in time (problems with the principals at the extra after-school place)
Today in school we had fun project which was to make a presentation where we had in our minds that we are teachers and worked with kids in preschool / day care. Everyone did good and I jumped in with my presentation with other kind of songs that the teacher gave links to.
We had to think about the children with special needs, how we could / would adapt us to them so they could participate as well. Well with everyone, not only special need kids.
We had to include movements, play, and all that stuff. We also had to think of any aids (that sounds so weird) so everyone saw the structure of the activity, etc.
In Sweden (I don’t know how preschool and schools work in other countries), they use visual support to show what will happen, so everyone included that! We also had to keep in mind the sign support.
So what did I do? Well, my son is always listening to songs on YouTube where the singers do signs when singing—not like sign language but using their body and hands to reinforce words they sing. I hope you all understand what I mean.
Anyway, I picked out three songs from that singer/group, and it was so fun. Everyone (almost) participated in the signs and songs. Some didn’t.
After everyone had their presentation of their projects (some worked in groups, and some did the project individually—I did it alone), we continued to listen to children’s music—which you can see in the pictures.
I have started a diet and I was wondering if someone has done the same or maybe a similar or something else.
I have started with the 16:8 diet, and I just started it last Sunday (26th of October 2025), and so far it goes well, but I’m worried. I have googled and checked if it’s ok to do this diet when having type 2 diabetes, which I have, and it says it’s ok. I’m wondering and have questions about it, but no, I can’t contact a doctor about it. I’m still waiting on them to contact me about anotherthing but also about taking blood samples—anyway, I am so confused. What is ok, and what is not ok? What can I eat? What can I drink? How will my blood sugar react and act? Like I said, I have googled around and checked official websites for healthcare, etc., in Sweden, but still, so many questions.