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› Enormous pressure in school. Questioning my future.
teardrops from heaven.
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as much as this blog will have a lot of photographs I have been taking I also will be sharing about my life and days. Like today my day was not good in school. I did a big exam in math and failed.
Math has always been a subject I always hated. I never got any help in school when I was younger and now iam in a class where I get a lot of help and actually learn math. That’s crazy! Back to the test, I tried hard. I doodled my calculations, I counted etc but yet I failed it. Luckily I can re-do it later. But it made the teach and I talk more about my past of school experiences etc. Let me just say that they were not good. We also spoke about my future, how the teacher will help me etc.
So after our talk, it got me thinking hard of my education. Iam already a nurse assistant but don’t wanna work on hospital etc anymore so I decided to study to become a preschool teacher. But here’s the problem, it’s in an other city and my husband has two jobs.. And we have E. So I must rethink my new carrier move.
I love teaching. I taught my husband swedish (fluently) both talking and writing on 6 months. I have easy to learn languages. I’ve learned sign language etc to communicate with my son when he can’t talk (he is non verbal but actually learning to say some words). And that’s how my thoughts of becoming a preschool teacher started.. I teach the children same as I teach my son. but like I said ..the education are in an other city and requires 5 days a week at school.
so now iam confused and lost. Should I give up this as I gave up my dreams to become a photographer for national geographic magazine.. as I have given up a dream carrier as a translator on arabic and spanish for embassies and governments (no education here in Sweden for that). what will my next move be?
tomorrow it’s time for math again. 12h a week in school.. only math. lovely. but tomorrow I will try attacking algebra and I’m scared.
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› Stand out in public with statements and photography related
Where I live you can’t stand out .. you will get tons of looks, talks behind your back. bullying etc. And if you are a big person who go outside the standard norms. Oohhh guys!
I’m a plus size. have always been. my entire life. due to a sickness (no I haven’t eaten myself this big) and I have a special unique look. I’m the only one who’s female to have this unique look in the town where I live. That’s pretty cool though but I get tons of negative looks etc.
So lately I have taken my style one step further. No iam not mean or negative in real life. This is just a statement to people can back off and leave me alone. Which has actually worked a bit. Sure I get looks, stares etc but I have learned to ignore it as much as I can. Hard work.
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Today I have been in town (with this fabulous shirt on) to have a meeting. which went good and fun. Not a serious meeting but important.
what else is.. oooh while waiting on the bus to go to the town I was thinking alot.. about photography. As I have written before I miss it. Go out in nature, alone, just quiet time and focus. But I haven’t used my Canon camera for years and my phone (S23 Ultra) has a pretty good camera.. but.. my question is..does it count as photography when you don’t use a system camera? Are using a smartphone the “same” as photographers?
my dream when I was younger were to become a professional photographer and work for national geographic magazine. Get my pictures published in the magazines etc.. but that dream died pretty fast when I read the the criteria(is that the right word?) to become a photographer for them. But I miss photography . Though I have never been interested in taking portraits and pictures of people, weddings etc (I have tried. Wasn’t my thing) but I love taking pictures, edit and make beautiful photos of details and landscape.
is there a photographer out there who might can answer my question?