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› People Stare, I Explode — A Raw Autism Parenting Moment
— RANT POST! SO MAD I COULD EXPLODE! —
Warning: I yelled and cussed, which I will write here. I apologize in advance.Also sharing a moment I had with my son
Having a child with special needs is very difficult and a big challenge, but that is nothing compared to people staring, judging and making situations even worse when things happen.
My son E has level 3 autism and is non-verbal, which makes it hard for him to explain or tell anyone what he wants.
Today we went to the supermarket (well, we just came home and I am fuming) to buy bread in the first place, but I quickly had to change plans and we will do that later instead.
Anyway, here’s how it went.
We had to go to the recycling bins with some cardboard, but E didn’t want to go the back way to the supermarket — he wanted to go the “right” way.
I tried over and over to get him to follow me, but he didn’t listen.
Instead, he threw a tantrum and sat down on the asphalt road.
I explained to him over and over again the plan we made at home — recycling, store, home, bus — but this time it didn’t work.
While this situation was happening, I saw people sitting outside (at my old workplace) staring at us.
It made me so mad I was fuming — of course not at E, but at them.
So when I finally managed to get E off the ground and over to the recycling bins (I had to bribe him with my phone), I looked at them and yelled:
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU STARING AT?! HE HAS FUCKING AUTISM!”
They started pointing and shaking their heads, so I yelled again:
“KEEP SHAKING YOUR FUCKING HEADS, YOU DUMBFUCKS!”
Yes, I admit — I was rude as fuck towards them. But I couldn’t control myself in that situation.
Luckily, a neighbor came by who was also going to the recycling area.
She quickly realized how angry I was, so she started talking to me:
“Oh! How tall you are, E! You are growing so fast!”
Note that we moved here four years ago, so it is a massive change in him.
It instantly changed my focus.
I was always focused on E, but my neighbor managed to shift my focus into having a calm conversation, and the steam coming out of my ears slowly stopped.
Meanwhile, E had my phone and — remember this post, “Will he follow in my footsteps?” — he took so many photos on our walk to the supermarket after recycling.
Mostly selfies inside the store, so I’m not going to share those.
But we were looking at flowers, so I helped him look around and pointed:
“E, there. Purple flower.”
And he took a photo.
So I really — honestly, from the bottom of my heart — hope that he will follow in my footsteps.
In the store — oh my God.
Taking selfies like crazy and flirting with the ladies. It was insane. I almost didn’t get him to go home after shopping 💀
We had ice cream on our way home, so I will post a review of it later.
— Enjoy E’s photos below —T
I apologize for this post
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› 32 Hours Awake: Sleep Deprivation, Parenting & Pure Survival Mode
32+ hours awake, one overenergized child, zero brain cells, and caffeine as a personality trait. Welcome to survival mode. 😄🖤💀
Guess what? I still haven’t gotten any sleep.
It’s currently 5 PM, and I can honestly say: I A M D E A D.
Not literally, but you get what I mean.
My son is still all over the place, full of energy, and I’m honestly jealous. If I had even one percent of his energy, I’d be happy.
Headache ✅
Sound sensitive ✅
Light sensitive ✅
I was hoping I’d at least get a nap during the day, but with my luck… I doubt it.
I need to keep E awake for the rest of the day, otherwise I’ll probably have another night like this, and my body and mental health honestly can’t handle that.
So here we go 😵💫 A few more hours to survive.
I’m praying he sleeps tonight because I have a super important meeting tomorrow that I absolutely need to attend.
I’ve officially been awake for 32 hours and 30 minutes… and I definitely feel it.How’s your day?
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› Ready for an Adventure
Hello my beautiful flowers! I hope you all are doing good! How are you?
●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●A bus ride, a crowded grocery store and one very determined little adventurer.
I just sat down after today’s adventure with E. As you know, he has autism – level 3 – and is non-verbal. Due to him not having the after-school care thingy for the rest of the summer, I have to come up with a million ideas of what to do with him – like I normally do, but living here, it’s not that fun. At least he enjoys it.
Today’s adventure; bus, grocery store, bus and home.
He has been nagging about the trip we went on to another city – bus, train, shopping, train, bus – and I have always felt really bad for saying “not today, maybe tomorrow” etc.
Today he repeatedly said “bus, shopping – bus” and started to get ready > pants, shirt, underwear (he took care of his hygiene himself), brushed his teeth and hair, put on his shoes and jacket.
“Ready!” all of a sudden I heard while I was out on the balcony.
I laughed when I saw him ready for an adventure, so I took him on a bus ride (he is obsessed with buses) and the joy when we finally sat down on the bus. Oh my.
When I saw the parking lot at the grocery store, my heart started to beat super fast and I felt that I didn’t want to do this. The parking lot was MAXED with cars! It was insane!
But I had promised E, so I ignored my feelings and we got off. I told E to hold my hand and whatever he did – do not let my hand go.
Luckily, if a child gets lost in Sweden, people usually help them find their parent or notify store staff. So while I was worried about the crowds and the noise, I wasn’t worried about E getting abducted or anything like that.
While inside, oh my God. I wanted to turn around instantly. My mind was racing:
“How will this go? How will E act?” (He gets tantrums when there are a lot of people and noises.) “Where are the hearing protections?” etc.
Toys; as a reward (before actually entering the food sections of the store), I got him a second train. I knew that would help him stay a little calmer because he could focus on that one.
Food sections; thank God I have taught E to hold the cart in front of me and me behind him. So it’s me – E – cart.
Because oh my Lord how insane people are when holidays are happening in Sweden. This time; Midsummer.
We literally had to do a maze between people to grab our stuff and when we were outside after the shopping, I let out the biggest sigh of relief. We were done.
We did it!
Remind me to never go to grocery stores during holidays or a few days before. It was worse than Christmas time and people in Sweden are insane when it comes to Christmas and Easter. -
› A Few Glimpses of My Saturday {May 30}
A regular Saturday.
Laundry duty.
I finally managed to book a slot in the laundry room and grabbed it immediately. It’s honestly crazy how much laundry piles up when you have a child who changes clothes constantly. Maybe not every five minutes, but sometimes it feels like it.
Not the glamorous laundry room where I live but it works. The clothes is getting clean 🙌🏼
Today’s little glimpses:
● Laundry
● Folding laundry
● Sending in my last assignments despite everything going on
● Grocery shopping
● Uncomfortable children but understanding parents
● Scratch mark on my ankle
Had an explosion of Pepsi Max in my bag so I had to wash that one as well.
One thing that stayed with me today happened while we were out shopping.
A little background: because of past experiences with kindergarten, my son has spent much of his life separated from other children (kindergarten). Ever since he was little, he has been incredibly drawn to them. He loves children and often assumes everyone is a friend.
Today, he ran up and hugged two children.
As a parent to a child with special needs, those moments are always difficult. You never know how people will react.They were uncomfortable, which I understand. A child coming up like a train at full speed towards them. I had no chance to stop him due to him being so strong, and people here are very alert to reporting anything to the CPS. Sadly.
Luckily, both parents were understanding when I explained the situation.
One of the parents actually smiled and said the following:“Aww, you got a hug. That is so sweet”
And honestly? That made me happy.
Not everyone is understanding, and situations like these can be stressful.
Having a child with autism comes with challenges that many people never see. A lot of the time it feels like you’re constantly advocating, explaining, protecting, and helping your child navigate a world that isn’t always patient.
But today, for a small moment, people chose kindness.
And I appreciated that more than they probably realized.
Scratch mark by a straw in metal. Painful
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› Will He Follow in My Footsteps?
The thought of sharing photography with him one day makes my heart so happy.
The curiosity is definitely there.
The camera is super old. I think I was 16 when I bought it.
When he saw me taking photos with my camera and trying to figure out how to get sharper focus, he suddenly ran off and grabbed my old digital camera from when I was younger.
Yes, it still works.
Seeing him become interested in the same hobby I love is honestly a feeling I can’t even describe properly.
I really hope his curiosity for photography stays as he gets older.
Just imagining little mother-and-son adventures with cameras, camera gear, and photo walks together gives me chills in the best way.
I’m manifesting it.