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› A small moment that happened
A quiet moment I know I’ll remember.
This AI picture of me and my parents. I don’t have a picture of us together, so I am so happy that AI could make this one for me. Of pictures of my parents and me. Combined three photos into one. A small moment today that I don’t think I’ll ever forget.
My non-verbal son looked at an AI-generated photo of me and my parents and said “grandma” and “grandpa” in Swedish for the first time.
It was the very first time he said it, and I’m sitting here in tears and is still emotional when I think about this moment. -
› Currently observing an artist in process
Proud little artist trying to tell and explain to me what each picture is and his thoughts behind them. Observing the artist and he’s struggle to get his art stuck on the wall
I wasn’t sure what I was looking for, I just started paying attention to what was already there.
I had to blurred some stuff on some pictures due to having our names on it.
Yes I will remove them when he is sleeping. He has already ruined the wallpapers so I will do it. Wish me luck. He has used tape so I had to hide it)
Watching him doing this made me think of the way he draw, the way he pick colors and it is not random. How much we practice to pronounce and say the colors (he is non-verbal) and watching him fight the struggle to get them to stay. The determination.
I’ve started paying more attention to things I don’t fully understand yet.
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› Giant nursery crib? Til..this?
Oh, I have forgotten to show you guys! Proud mama bear moment!
If you guys remember this post [here] my son now officially a big boy!
Earlier he had a bed that we’ve been renting from the hospital (in the post), and my best friend/godmother to E said it looked like a giant crib (those beds for babies), and I never thought of that before, but after she said that, I couldn’t unsee it.
The bed that we have had since he was .. three years old I think. We rented it due to E being an run awayer in the middle of the night. One time I found him (this was before this bed) at the front door in my apartment complex.. in the middle of the night. Yes I had locked the door.
I spoke with the CPS about the bed (due to safety reasons, etc.) together with the hospital, and I got approved. Sure, I didn’t need to talk to them, but due to me having a child with special needs… People don’t understand how it is, so yeah. I have been involved with them ever since so I figured out it would be better to have a true, straight communication with them. Anyway, they said yes, so we ordered it. After having gotten the bed, E felt so safe. He had his own place. I made it into a fort sometimes so he could have his own little “house” to be in, and he loved it.
Note this this bed also had a beamer you could have over the closed doors (kinda lock him in) and that was approved as well. Yes I am keeping my blog raw and authentic so the truth is being told .
Fast forward to now … He wasn’t home, and the bed was waiting to get picked up! So I unscrewed the whole entire bed and had M help me carry it down to the basement. It stood in the basement until the guys from the hospital-special-team-helping-thing came and picked it up. The past weekend (12th & 13th of December) we worked hard to get every piece together.
This Wednesday (17th) E came home and he has been sleeping in it every night. I am so proud of him.
The boy who was super happy and excited. Jumped right into bed after seeing it and was ready to go to sleep. Giving goodnight kisses and saying goodnight.. at 5pm.. That’s how excited he got.
So cute but yeah. He is now a big boy and a big boy need a big boy bed.
The green alien is from Ikea and the gnome / Santa is from Jysk – an scandinavian home/sleeping department store or what to call it.
I do not know why all the text is in the caption of the media/pictures. I tried to fix it, but it doesn’t work, so I’m going to leave it like it is.
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› Stress, Coffee and Performance
Today is a coffee day! Stress, chaos, brain disconnected and a proud moment.
Goodmorning my
beautiful souls 🩷
As you have read above, today / this morning havent been a good morning except watching my son preform in school (a tradition) now when it was Lucia last Saturday (13th December). He did so good! I had to cover my face though so I had like a burka (sorry! No disrespect!) so only my eyes was showing so I could watch him.
If he would have seen me, he would have run to me instead of being with the kids on the “stage” preforming. He did so good. Unfortunately we weren’t allowed to take pictures during the performance so this picture below is taken before it started.
Advent 🕯
When the performance was at the end, they put music on loud so everyone including the audience (the parents) could join and dance with everyone and that’s when it became too much for E. He started to cover his ears, cry and have a meltdown so I removed my jacket from my face so he saw me and I went over to him. He cried so much. I was praising E so much, telling him that he was so good and how proud me and his dad is.
We left instead of joining them for fika (a must in Sweden – cookies and beverages) so E wouldn’t get all worked up and refusing to stay in school. So a few hugs and kisses and the teacher walked away with him.
Now to the chaos part
I AM SO CLUMPSY! To enter the school we need a passing card and I remembered i forgot mine at home in all stress that happened this morning to go in time so we wouldn’t miss E’s performance.
So M dropped me off at the bus, I went home again to get it, repacked my bag for school, and quickly changed outfits. I don’t want to go to school with a dress and toooooo much showing. I noticed that when I came home! Ohmygod! Fortunately I had covered my body so it wasn’t showing for anyone.
Now it’s a coffee morning!
Due to all the stress, chaos etc I felt it was time for ice coffee and luckily I have many in cans so I dumped two cans in my mug. I havent had these for a long time so I was hesitant first but after first sip it was like angels sang in my ears.
Coffee makes me tired so I can calm down a bit. ADHD and caffeine is a good combo if you wanna get tired and calm down.
Now I am on my way to school- I will be approximately 2h and 20minutes late. But hey, i notified my teacher last night that I will be late and I messaged her explaining what was going on so she told me to take it easy and no stress. That felt so good. But unfortunately I have missed a lot but what to do? Today it was about my son and unfortunately this happened.
I will blog later today—first school thought. Home and study, but I will fix it. I have wanted to blog so many times, but due to me being so tired and barely having anything happen, I didn’t, but now I’m going to get back again to the blogging. I will also answer your comments! I see you 🩷
Currently playing in my ears; Cher – Stronger
I mean, how fitting isn’t that? I have became obsessed with one song with Cher!
It is sooooo good!! I listen to it on repeat!
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› First I was afraid, then I was petrified. AND It was very First time for him!
It’s been a few days since I blogged last time. Yes, I have had the blog constantly on my mind: “I must blog! I must do that, do this, write that, write this.” But honestly, I haven’t had the energy.
Lately my energy has been declining, so I think my iron in my blood is low again, so I need another round of infusion.
I fall asleep everywhere, and I mean everywhere, such as in school, on the sofa, on chairs, etc. It’s embarrassing, and it makes me mad. The last time I had this problem was in like 2021 or something.
I haven’t been able to go to school and participate well, and that stresses me out. The assignments are piling up, and I have like no energy to sit in front of the computer, let alone to study. It’s frustrating to be honest.
Even though I sleep (as much as possible at night when the headache/migraine is calm), I still go back to bed after I have my son sent off to school, or I fall asleep later in the evening.
Yes, I have tried to get a doctor’s appointment to get blood samples taken for iron but also for my pancreas and blood sugar, but no success. No one wants to help me. So that is frustrating me as well.
Ok, enough about negativity– yes I feel it became a lot of negativity but this has been bothering me so much lately.
Last week I went to the dentist and finally picked up my new mouth guard even though I was terrified of using one. Why? I had one when I was 15/16 and slept with it for one night, and the day after I woke up completely deaf in my right ear. It took 2 of my siblings plus my mom using forks to get that mouth guard off my teeth, and one of my siblings screamed right in my ear, and I couldn’t hear anything.
That’s why I am terrified, but to my surprise, I actually slept with it—the night after. I used it a lot during the day and evening to get used to it and also to see if my hearing gets affected again. NOPE! Hallelujah!
Tonight (Tuesday, 11th November) will be the 5th night I have it on when I’m sleeping. Sure, let me be honest, I wake up every morning still terrified about my hearing but slowly getting used to wearing it.
Does it give me ache in jaws and head? Yes. Massively.
Is it worth it? Hopefully.
I got this for two/three reasons. 1. I grind my teeth when I’m sleeping, apparently. I don’t know. 2. To help relax my jaw muscles 3. To help with my headaches/migraines. So far? No clue if it works. I haven’t noticed a difference, but I’m still going to use it.
Birthday Party!
E was invited to his very first birthday party and I couldn’t be happier. Ofcourse I was there as well to help if needed (or support my son in meltdowns etc) but it all went so good. I actually cried of happiness!
At first I was (of course. As an autism mother you are always on your toes) nervous but also excited! My baby is going on his first birthday party.
Off to the bus stop we go!!
Safety first! That applies to the backpack as well!
Washing machine was very interesting!
Cooking and doing laundry.
Coloring & cutting
Fun!
On our way back home.
I can honestly say, I am super proud of E. No meltdowns. No scream. Curious and didn’t want to listen—yeah, of course. New place, new people—new impressions.