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› A few glimpses of my Thursday.
A day filled with thoughts, fears, flowers, camera gear, and small moments in between.
A regular day with a lot of thinking. I attended a workshop for parents of autistic children. We learned tips and ideas on how to handle depression and how to notice the signs before it is too late.
It scared me. It made me face the reality that my son may—hopefully not—develop depression and suicidal thoughts in the future. Apparently, it is extremely common among children with autism, which means he is at high risk.
So this course was a must for me. I think it was more directed toward parents of teenagers, but it was still good for me to learn about the warning signs and what to look out for in the future.
I have personally been through all of this myself, and I am currently struggling with depression—though no suicidal thoughts anymore. I had them when I was younger, and I think that is what scared me the most. I do not want him to follow in my footsteps, so I am taking every chance I can to learn more about autism, mental health, and everything in between.
So today, when I picked up E from after-school care—or whatever to call it — I hugged him tightly and almost broke down crying.
Why?
Because I am scared.
I am terrified of the future. Terrified that E will follow in my footsteps. And honestly, I now understand what my mom went through with me. I owe her my whole heart for all the protection, love, and support she gave me.
Enough sadness for now — even though I believe it is important to talk openly about these things. I am not ashamed of it. But this internet home for everyone is not going to be associated with depression only.●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●
I also picked up a package today with things I ordered for my camera gear and for the Bulgaria trip — 38 days left! Woooh!
Camera lens covers, strings to attach them to the camera so I do not lose them, and two new bags. I am already using the blue one in the picture, and I also ordered a black sports bag that I will use as a cabin bag for the flight. Later, my son can use it for sleepovers. I will show that one later.
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› Back Outside Again
Finally Had Some Energy to Bring My Camera Out. I didn’t realize how much I missed this part of myself.
Sometimes all you need is a camera and a quiet walk.
I haven’t had much motivation or inspiration lately to bring my camera outside and spend time taking photos, clearing my mind, and just relaxing.
But yesterday, I finally did.
I was actually supposed to go out last Monday, but the sun was way too harsh all day, so there was no point. Then Tuesday ended up being rainy from morning to evening, and on Wednesday I simply didn’t have time.
So yesterday became the day.
And honestly? I was so happy.
Holding my camera again, focusing on tiny subjects, adjusting the aperture and ISO, listening to music while walking around… I had really missed it.
I didn’t actually take that many photos, but I still spent hours outside with my camera bag over my shoulder.
The straps hurt my arms though, so I first went to a clothing store and bought those non-slip bra straps to try and fix it. That didn’t help much, so later I ended up going to a hardware store and buying seatbelt protection for kids instead.
Surprisingly, it worked much better.
I also spent a few hours with my best friend. She came with me while I was looking for the seatbelt protection, and later we had dinner and milkshakes together.
When I got home, I edited the photos I took with my phone instead of the camera ones. I haven’t even checked the camera photos properly yet because I noticed while shooting that the focus kept landing on the bugs’ bodies instead of their heads.
Still, this whole day reminded me how much I miss this part of myself.
Spending hours outside with music in my ears and a camera in my hands makes my whole body feel calmer.
I really need to get back into it. -
› Something I’ve been waiting for
The smile I have right now is insane.
Hello my beautiful friends! ❤️🌸 I hope you all are doing well this Saturday.
I thought I would post a “Dear Diary” post with exciting stuff!
Today I finally picked up my package from the post office!
I had actually forgotten that I had a package to pick up but remembered it when I saw the app on my phone.
You all know I’m a photographer and I have a lot of gears but is right now all over my home because I don’t have a camera bag that fits it all.. Well now I do!
A professional camera backpack from Tarion! No, this is not an ad or sponsorship. I bought this with my own money.
Not the best photos because I had to rush taking them. My son wanted to have it (no equipment in it yet.!)
He repeatedly said his name and bag ~ “Exxxxxs bag” so I had to explain to him that it’s mine and what it is for. Lol.
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› Happy New Year All you beautiful souls ✨️
HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL YOU BEAUTIFUL SOULS ✨️
Thank you everyone for being a part of my family! I am truly thankful for each and every one of you 🤍 I apologize for not being do active in the blog due to my mental health but I will try (can’t promise) to be more active here in the blog.
This year has have both ups and downs , sadly most downs. I really hope that 2026 will be better to me and my mental health.
2025 Positive
- Amsterdam, January
- Tokio Hotel concert, March
- Italy, July
- Norrtälje, September
- Met Michaela & Helle (after 8 years)[Tokio Hotel fan] (Michaela I met in September, Helle I met in March and went to the concert together)
- Started to do makeup again {not often but still}
- Started a new education
- I picked up my cameras again
2025 Negative
- My mental health
- Body collapsed
- Had to cut off my hair
- The teacher in school
- Italy, July (why? read here)
My forever new years kiss, valentine and forever my greatest love 🤍 This year I have watched my son grow much. Both as a person, as my son and as a small man. He has participated in graduations in school, participated in performance shows, gotten best “grades” in school. He is more brave now and he is just wonderful.
This year E has started to communicate so much more. He communicates with signs and simple words. He has also started to learn English, speaking English, counting etc. It is a super big change compared to last year and I am so shocked, so happy and so proud.
This year I have been abroad twice. Once in Amsterdam, The Netherlands and one time in Italy. Amsterdam I went with M but Italy I went by myself.
Amsterdam, January 2025.
Amsterdam, January
Burano, July [Italy]
Venice/Venezia, Italy, July.
I had always wanted to go to Murano & Burano in Italy. To see the colorful houses, the beauty etc. The day before I went back to Sweden, I finally went there. I didn’t know how to get there and it was so confusing but I managed it! Woho.
Norrtälje, September
Norrtälje, Sweden. First time I met my beautiful friend Michaela after five months chatting online. We connected when I commented on her tiktok and boom. instant friendship. Read all about my weekend in Norrtälje here. Many ups but soooo many downs.
Photography ~ bringing my cameras out.
This year, I found a bit more passion of taking pictures than I had earlier. Unfortunately it went away when I started to decline more in mental health so my goal is to start again.
backlit autumn leaf sunlight 
2026 Goals
- Better mental health (hard work)
- Finish school & education
- Continue my weightloss journey [well start more strictly]
- Clean toxic stuff and people out of my life
- Focus on myself
- Blog & Instagram better
- Travels [Lisabon, Cyprus & maybe Santorini]
- Make more music [we’ll see]
Sure, some might seem impossible, but I will try to work hard. I’m not going to say, “OH! Yeah! 2026 will be MY year.” No, I said that about 2025, and here we are, haha!
I wish you all a wonderful and beautiful 2026! With all luck, love, power, strength and wealth ✨️
May 2026 be your year!
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› Murano & Burano, the boat trip
on the day before my very last day, me and a guy from Australia (who I met at the hotel) who also is a photographer but only knew how to take portrait pictures so I taught him how to take details, macro and landscape photos.
My goal on this whole Italy trip was to go to Burano and together we decided to go there (with other people ofcourse)
Here are some photos from the trip to the islands Murano and Burano.
as you might have noticed by now, I have a thing for decorations and windows. I was insane on taking pictures of people’s windows and how they had decorated them. Trust me, more will come.