● Currently
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› The Audacity! How Are You Not Embarrassed?
THE AUDACITY. The sheer audacity of this woman to even think I would participate.
No. Absolutely not after everything she put me through.
For those of you who do not know about this whole situation, let me explain.
I was studying the first step toward becoming a preschool teacher. I had almost finished one full year and only had five months left when everything happened. During that time, I was doing my internship at a preschool.
Let me just say this: they completely screwed me over.
Dangerously false accusations were made against me, and neither the teacher, the principals (yes, two different principals), nor even their boss actually listened to my side of the story. Instead, I got kicked out because of it all.
And honestly? It still pisses me off.
Now to the actual audacity.
The teacher invited me to the last school day before summer break.
Yeah… no.
I am not doing that.
When I told some of my classmates what had actually happened, they were genuinely shocked. Meanwhile, the teacher kept saying things like:
“Emma, you can come if you want to. It would be good for you.”Good for me? Seriously?!
After everything that happened, it honestly just feels insulting. Like being spat in the face and then politely invited back to smile about it.
So no. I would honestly rather stay home, sleep, or go into the city and buy Pepsi Max instead.
I even wanted to reply to the invitation with a few gifs that I sent to my best friend/cousin afterward. Let us just say… the gifs had opinions. Strong ones.
But she told me:
“Be the bigger person.”
So fine. I will behave.
Still tempted, though.
And no, I will not share the gifs here either. Sorry. -
› Witness in the future?
What’s something you’d love to see in the future, but know you probably won’t live to witness?
Honestly, i want to see elephants free. See them in their natural habitat.
I want to see ocras/killerwhale, dolphins and whales.
That would be wonderful to see and witness.
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› I’m terrified and I Finally Made My Decision
Remember yesterday when I said I would rethink the education?
Yeah. I made my decision today. I’m done.
Today I finally got the papers from my internship that I requested back in May.
And honestly?
I am in complete shock.
The lies.
The accusations.
The way they describe me.
It was terrifying to read. I completely broke down after reading it. Why? Why all this towards me?
I genuinely don’t understand. This isn’t me! Who is this person they describe? It ain’t me!
WHY would I apply for this education if I was actually the kind of person they are trying to make me look like?
Why would I choose to work with children if I was threatening?
I love children. I love teaching them things. I love being playful and childish around them.
So reading all of this honestly made me feel sick.
Later today, I saw one of my old teachers from before this education while I was in town.
And I asked him straight out:
“Have I ever threatened you or anyone?”
“Have I ever mentally abused anyone?”
“Have I ever made anyone scared or uncomfortable?”
He literally started laughing because he thought the questions sounded absurd.
Then he asked me where all of this even came from.
So I explained everything.
The accusations.
The papers.
Everything.
And honestly?
I broke down in front of him.
He kept repeating:
“Emma, you are literally the last person I would describe like that.”
He said I’m kind. That we always have a great bond and that I am nothing like they try to make me look like.
Before I left for the bus he looked at me and said:
“Fuck them. Ignore them.”
But it’s not that easy. This is serious! I’m genuinely scared after reading those papers.
And after today, after reading everything, I realized I can’t go back there again. I’m done.
I can’t.
My head is complete chaos right now.
Shock.
Anger.
Confusion.
Fear.
I know this post is messy, but honestly?
I really needed to get this off my chest somehow. -
› I Thought I Had Made My Decision
I thought I had already made my decision, but now I’m not so sure anymore.
Not the flattered picture of me but this is literally how I feel and look like right now. Chaos in head and a decision that needs to be made.
Yesterday was my last day at school.
And honestly?
It feels wrong.
I really wanted this education.
I already told my teacher that I probably won’t return next semester, even though I only have five months left.
Because of the false accusations and everything that happened during my internship, I most likely won’t pass anyway.
What hurts even more is knowing I probably won’t get another chance to finish it later. The school apparently won’t continue offering this education due to too few applicants.
So this might really be the end.
On my way to the bus after school, a classmate suddenly stopped me.
“Emma, I really don’t think you should drop out.”
We normally don’t even talk much, so hearing that caught me completely off guard.
I explained why I felt like giving up, but she just kept saying:
.“F*ck them. Show them you’re serious about this education and that you won’t take any bullshit.”
It turns out she’s struggling with problems there too.
And honestly?
Now I’m confused all over again.
Because part of me still wants this so badly.
I want to move forward.
I want to continue studying.
I want to become a preschool teacher someday.
But at the same time, this entire situation has mentally drained me.
And because of everything that happened, I still won’t officially qualify to work in preschool after this education anyway.
So now my head feels like complete chaos.
One moment I want to quit.
The next moment I start rethinking everything.
Luckily, I still have about one and a half months before I have to make the final decision. -
› Advice given – my mom.
What’s the most profound piece of advice you’ve been given? Did you take it?
“Never co-sign a leash for apartment or car but mostly apartment”.
My mom. I follow it til this day.
Mom explained why. “If you and your partner separates, you will always have roof over your head. If you have a child with the partner, your child will always have a bed to sleep in under a roof”.
I grew up with this advice.
Car, I don’t have so that I don’t need to think about.