I’m terrified and I Finally Made My Decision

Remember yesterday when I said I would rethink the education?

Yeah. I made my decision today. I’m done.

Today I finally got the papers from my internship that I requested back in May.

And honestly?
I am in complete shock.

The lies.
The accusations.
The way they describe me.

It was terrifying to read. I completely broke down after reading it. Why? Why all this towards me?

I genuinely don’t understand. This isn’t me! Who is this person they describe? It ain’t me!

WHY would I apply for this education if I was actually the kind of person they are trying to make me look like?

Why would I choose to work with children if I was threatening?

I love children. I love teaching them things. I love being playful and childish around them.

So reading all of this honestly made me feel sick.

Later today, I saw one of my old teachers from before this education while I was in town.

And I asked him straight out:

“Have I ever threatened you or anyone?”
“Have I ever mentally abused anyone?”
“Have I ever made anyone scared or uncomfortable?”

He literally started laughing because he thought the questions sounded absurd.

Then he asked me where all of this even came from.

So I explained everything.
The accusations.
The papers.
Everything.

And honestly?
I broke down in front of him.

He kept repeating:
“Emma, you are literally the last person I would describe like that.”

He said I’m kind. That we always have a great bond and that  I am nothing like they try to make me look like.

Before I left for the bus he looked at me and said:

“Fuck them. Ignore them.”

But it’s not that easy. This is serious! I’m genuinely scared after reading those papers.

And after today, after reading everything, I realized I can’t go back there again. I’m done.

I can’t.

My head is complete chaos right now.

Shock.
Anger.
Confusion.
Fear.

I know this post is messy, but honestly?
I really needed to get this off my chest somehow.