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› Currently. Overwhelmed.
Why is this trip more overwhelming than the trip I did to Italy?
Is it just me, or do some trips feel heavier before you even leave?
I honestly don’t know — maybe some trips just come with chaos attached to them. So who knows how this one will turn out.. 💀 …maybe good, maybe bad. All I know is that this trip feels more chaotic than the others I’ve been on.
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› I’m terrified and I Finally Made My Decision
Remember yesterday when I said I would rethink the education?
Yeah. I made my decision today. I’m done.
Today I finally got the papers from my internship that I requested back in May.
And honestly?
I am in complete shock.
The lies.
The accusations.
The way they describe me.
It was terrifying to read. I completely broke down after reading it. Why? Why all this towards me?
I genuinely don’t understand. This isn’t me! Who is this person they describe? It ain’t me!
WHY would I apply for this education if I was actually the kind of person they are trying to make me look like?
Why would I choose to work with children if I was threatening?
I love children. I love teaching them things. I love being playful and childish around them.
So reading all of this honestly made me feel sick.
Later today, I saw one of my old teachers from before this education while I was in town.
And I asked him straight out:
“Have I ever threatened you or anyone?”
“Have I ever mentally abused anyone?”
“Have I ever made anyone scared or uncomfortable?”
He literally started laughing because he thought the questions sounded absurd.
Then he asked me where all of this even came from.
So I explained everything.
The accusations.
The papers.
Everything.
And honestly?
I broke down in front of him.
He kept repeating:
“Emma, you are literally the last person I would describe like that.”
He said I’m kind. That we always have a great bond and that I am nothing like they try to make me look like.
Before I left for the bus he looked at me and said:
“Fuck them. Ignore them.”
But it’s not that easy. This is serious! I’m genuinely scared after reading those papers.
And after today, after reading everything, I realized I can’t go back there again. I’m done.
I can’t.
My head is complete chaos right now.
Shock.
Anger.
Confusion.
Fear.
I know this post is messy, but honestly?
I really needed to get this off my chest somehow. -
› Currently running on anxiety and caffeine
Trying to survive another week of stress, meetings, and overthinking.
When will this finally be over?
Tomorrow, I have another meeting about the accusations and the lawsuit.
For the past two hours, I’ve been sitting with law books & internet, reading different laws, paragraphs, rules, and documents about how the school has treated me.
Fight for my rights. Fight for the truth
One month.
A constant battle.
Me against them.
The law is on my side, and I know I did the right thing, but somehow they always manage to twist everything around and make it feel like it’s my fault instead.
I now have seven pages written down with laws, arguments, and everything I need to bring up tomorrow.
This time, there will also be another person involved.
Someone higher up.
Someone who hopefully actually listens.My thoughts are everywhere right now.
I can’t focus.
I can’t relax.
My mind is running at full speed.
Anxiety.
Stress.
That small feeling of panic sitting in my chest.
And honestly?
I don’t know how this will end.
Better?
Worse?
I really don’t know.