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› Back to School on Crutches | A Little EverFlow Life Update
Hello my spicy and beautiful pumpkins! 🖤 How are you all? “Long time” no seen.
I am truly exhausted — both mentally and physically!
Jumping on crutches is a pure workout and I am NOT built for workouts. Give me cookies and milk and I will be a happy person. Lol.
Anyway…
The reason why I have been absent is because I have been mentally preparing and struggling with school — yes, I know. Shit happens and I hate it there, but I do it for my son. Not only for him to have after-school care, but also to show him that it’s okay if you don’t graduate high school. You can always get an education later in life.
Monday: First day. Not prepared. Read here; [ link to Monday’s post ]
Tuesday: Went to school for like 1.5 hours. I couldn’t stay for a whole day. I was almost falling asleep in class, couldn’t focus and had a migraine on top of that. I hadn’t slept that night because of massive stomach pain that kept waking me up every 30 minutes. It was awful, and it kept going nonstop the whole Wednesday as well.
Friday [today]: Half day — woho! Love that!
Today we had a test — yes, a test already… first week — and I passed it. Woop!
We also had a “roleplay” where the teacher divided us students into two groups — four in each. We had to do a roleplay where two of the students were preschool kids and two had to be the teachers. One mean teacher and one “good” teacher.
Guess which one I was?
……….. *pause for guessing* ………..
If you guessed the mean one, you are correct!
So me “yelling” and being mean to one of the children — I went all out. I was acting like this horrible, mean teacher.
Wow! Almost so good that I deserve an Oscar!
That’s how good I was. 😂
After school,
I came home, supposed to do homework, but honestly — all my energy went into going to school and jumping around on crutches. My hands and arms are actually hurting from it, to be honest. It is brutal! I don’t understand how people can do it day in and day out to be honest! You guys are strong!
At least I’m going, which is a miracle for me.
Sure, I get a lot of stares, but I’m rocking those screaming, insanely blue crutches.
They are so ugly! It’s ridiculous.
Tomorrow I will study. I had to do paperwork for the insurance company, Lufthansa and their bullshit and yeah…
Exhausted Miima for sure!
So here is a quick post, quick check-in.
Hi! Here I am! Exhausted but still alive — barely — and ready to post again. Getting back to my routines again!
Thank you so, so much for checking in on EverFlow and for being patient with me. I really appreciate you! SO MUCH! 🖤
Much love to you, my pumpkins! 🖤 -
› Sleep Deprivation Is Brutal: 3AM, Peppa Pig & A Massive Headache
What happens when your child wakes up at 11pm and refuses to sleep? Chaos!
Sleepless night.
Sleep deprived & massive headache.
Tired momma
So my son decided to wake up at 23.00 and here we are, around 3am. Watching Peppa Pig. Yes I let him watch TV just because M is sleeping and has to get up early to go to work.
I’m sitting on the couch, struggling with headache – light shifting from TV, the lamps in the window and the fan in the kitchen. All at the same time
While being up (I don’t sleep when my son is awake – no matter how tired I am) I deleted over 3k files on my phone – pictures. That’s crazy and I still haven’t gone through all the albums 💀 I don’t wanna know how many I have honestly.
On my old phone I always had around 10-15k in the gallery (pictures and videos) so right now I’m trying to declutter and save “just because I might need/use it for the future”. Na – be gone crap! To the trash bin you go!
I wonder if I will be able to stay awake the whole day till tomorrow’s bed time. That will be a challenge, that’s for sure! -
› I’m terrified and I Finally Made My Decision
Remember yesterday when I said I would rethink the education?
Yeah. I made my decision today. I’m done.
Today I finally got the papers from my internship that I requested back in May.
And honestly?
I am in complete shock.
The lies.
The accusations.
The way they describe me.
It was terrifying to read. I completely broke down after reading it. Why? Why all this towards me?
I genuinely don’t understand. This isn’t me! Who is this person they describe? It ain’t me!
WHY would I apply for this education if I was actually the kind of person they are trying to make me look like?
Why would I choose to work with children if I was threatening?
I love children. I love teaching them things. I love being playful and childish around them.
So reading all of this honestly made me feel sick.
Later today, I saw one of my old teachers from before this education while I was in town.
And I asked him straight out:
“Have I ever threatened you or anyone?”
“Have I ever mentally abused anyone?”
“Have I ever made anyone scared or uncomfortable?”
He literally started laughing because he thought the questions sounded absurd.
Then he asked me where all of this even came from.
So I explained everything.
The accusations.
The papers.
Everything.
And honestly?
I broke down in front of him.
He kept repeating:
“Emma, you are literally the last person I would describe like that.”
He said I’m kind. That we always have a great bond and that I am nothing like they try to make me look like.
Before I left for the bus he looked at me and said:
“Fuck them. Ignore them.”
But it’s not that easy. This is serious! I’m genuinely scared after reading those papers.
And after today, after reading everything, I realized I can’t go back there again. I’m done.
I can’t.
My head is complete chaos right now.
Shock.
Anger.
Confusion.
Fear.
I know this post is messy, but honestly?
I really needed to get this off my chest somehow. -
› I Thought I Had Made My Decision
I thought I had already made my decision, but now I’m not so sure anymore.
Not the flattered picture of me but this is literally how I feel and look like right now. Chaos in head and a decision that needs to be made.
Yesterday was my last day at school.
And honestly?
It feels wrong.
I really wanted this education.
I already told my teacher that I probably won’t return next semester, even though I only have five months left.
Because of the false accusations and everything that happened during my internship, I most likely won’t pass anyway.
What hurts even more is knowing I probably won’t get another chance to finish it later. The school apparently won’t continue offering this education due to too few applicants.
So this might really be the end.
On my way to the bus after school, a classmate suddenly stopped me.
“Emma, I really don’t think you should drop out.”
We normally don’t even talk much, so hearing that caught me completely off guard.
I explained why I felt like giving up, but she just kept saying:
.“F*ck them. Show them you’re serious about this education and that you won’t take any bullshit.”
It turns out she’s struggling with problems there too.
And honestly?
Now I’m confused all over again.
Because part of me still wants this so badly.
I want to move forward.
I want to continue studying.
I want to become a preschool teacher someday.
But at the same time, this entire situation has mentally drained me.
And because of everything that happened, I still won’t officially qualify to work in preschool after this education anyway.
So now my head feels like complete chaos.
One moment I want to quit.
The next moment I start rethinking everything.
Luckily, I still have about one and a half months before I have to make the final decision.