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› Hello Fall! Life Lately, Crutches, School & A Little Bit of Chaos
Fall is here, the leaves are dancing, the crutches are still following me around, and life is… well, life.
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Hello my beautiful pumpkins! 🎃🎃
Now it is officially fall! (I know I say it again, but honestly, fall is the best season according to me.)
I love the cold air, the color shift on the leaves, seeing them swirl, “dance” down and give their last performance!
I have been quiet for a bit, I know. The reason is that I really don’t have much to tell at the moment due to me being on crutches. Well, I’m supposed to use them, but as you all know me, I’m stubborn as hell. 😂 I used them in the beginning, but now I’m fighting through the pain because I don’t want to need them anymore.
I still bring them with me if I go out — to the city, for example — in case the pain gets unbearable and I need a bit of “pain relief.”
So, what’s up with you? Any updates?
For me? Nothing really.
• Voted in the election — meaning, I did my duty as a Swedish citizen. 🇸🇪
• Slowly stopping one medication to introduce another one over time.
• Not amputated my foot — miracle.
• Studied.
• Had a fever last week, so no school for me.
• Had a birthday dinner date with my Queen Alien — my best friend. Yeah, I know, she’s my cousin, but that is so weird to write/say, so I will not mention that again. 🥲
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› Back to School on Crutches | A Little EverFlow Life Update
Hello my spicy and beautiful pumpkins! 🖤 How are you all? “Long time” no seen.
I am truly exhausted — both mentally and physically!
Jumping on crutches is a pure workout and I am NOT built for workouts. Give me cookies and milk and I will be a happy person. Lol.
Anyway…
The reason why I have been absent is because I have been mentally preparing and struggling with school — yes, I know. Shit happens and I hate it there, but I do it for my son. Not only for him to have after-school care, but also to show him that it’s okay if you don’t graduate high school. You can always get an education later in life.
Monday: First day. Not prepared. Read here; [ link to Monday’s post ]
Tuesday: Went to school for like 1.5 hours. I couldn’t stay for a whole day. I was almost falling asleep in class, couldn’t focus and had a migraine on top of that. I hadn’t slept that night because of massive stomach pain that kept waking me up every 30 minutes. It was awful, and it kept going nonstop the whole Wednesday as well.
Friday [today]: Half day — woho! Love that!
Today we had a test — yes, a test already… first week — and I passed it. Woop!
We also had a “roleplay” where the teacher divided us students into two groups — four in each. We had to do a roleplay where two of the students were preschool kids and two had to be the teachers. One mean teacher and one “good” teacher.
Guess which one I was?
……….. *pause for guessing* ………..
If you guessed the mean one, you are correct!
So me “yelling” and being mean to one of the children — I went all out. I was acting like this horrible, mean teacher.
Wow! Almost so good that I deserve an Oscar!
That’s how good I was. 😂
After school,
I came home, supposed to do homework, but honestly — all my energy went into going to school and jumping around on crutches. My hands and arms are actually hurting from it, to be honest. It is brutal! I don’t understand how people can do it day in and day out to be honest! You guys are strong!
At least I’m going, which is a miracle for me.
Sure, I get a lot of stares, but I’m rocking those screaming, insanely blue crutches.
They are so ugly! It’s ridiculous.
Tomorrow I will study. I had to do paperwork for the insurance company, Lufthansa and their bullshit and yeah…
Exhausted Miima for sure!
So here is a quick post, quick check-in.
Hi! Here I am! Exhausted but still alive — barely — and ready to post again. Getting back to my routines again!
Thank you so, so much for checking in on EverFlow and for being patient with me. I really appreciate you! SO MUCH! 🖤
Much love to you, my pumpkins! 🖤 -
› Finding My Old Blog After 9 Years | Memories, Old Photos & Who I Used to Be
Looking back at an old blog from 2017, old selfies, forgotten memories, family, grief, growing older and the person I used to be..
Having a best friend who stalks my old blog — okay, not stalks, but checks it from time to time — is actually hilarious.
I had completely forgotten about it. Not the blog itself, but the name of it! Until she sent me the link.
Oh my god.
I wrote on that blog last time on December 1, 2017. That is almost 9 years ago.
Going through the posts, seeing the pictures and reading a bit was a roller-coaster of emotions. Sometimes I laughed and sometimes I fought not to shed tears.
Reading about when I was learning Arabic, dealing with my mom’s cancer, my dad’s death and so much more… it really brought back a lot.
One thing I found absolutely hilarious was all the old photos of myself. WAOW! Holy… I don’t even know — cheese? 👀
Oh well. I was NOT ready for it.
I had completely forgotten about my “signature” selfie style. The makeup. The poses. Oh lord, how embarrassing!
Mind you, that blog had over 150 subscribers/followers that I called “ghosts” because I was obsessed with Halloween back then and I’m still obsessed with Halloween now. 😂
So at least 150 people saw those photos. I eventually closed down that blog because there was a lot going on in my personal life. I had no energy. Nothing to write about that felt worth writing about.
Not that EverFlow is much better…Haha!
These are a few of the pictures I found of myself on that blog and I am laughing so hard at myself.
Like… wow. How?!
My best friend said I looked older back then and I’m like: “Excuse me?” She said I should take it as a compliment that I look “younger” now.
She’s weird… I know. 😂Anyway, have fun.
Enjoy these 9 horrible photos of me from when I was 26–27 years old. Yup. i was almost 30 and walked around looking like that. I’m turning 36 now and barely wear makeup anymore.
What a journey and roller-coaster of thoughts, feelings etc 😂🖤 -
› What I Wish I Knew During My Darkest Depression
Have you ever had the thought, “If I could go back in time, what would I tell my younger self?”
For me… honestly, this post will be 1000% raw and authentic. The truth will be told here.
⚠️ Warning: mentions ofsuicide and self-harm ⚠️
If I’m being honest, I wish I could go back to the time when I was at my deepest depression — when I harmed myself badly, wrote goodbye letters to my mum, and tried so many times to end my life.
I wish I could go back in time and tell my mum not to worry — that I wouldn’t do it. Back when I slept with kitchen knives (not the ones you eat with) under my pillow.
Depression made me awful to my mum. Me harming myself hurt her deeply. I was awful to my siblings too, who dropped everything the second they noticed I was gone. My brother drove back and forth looking for me. My siblings ran around calling my name, trying to find me, terrorized by the calls and the fear of not knowing where I was.
If I could turn back time and know what I know today, I would have stopped.
I would have told younger Emma (yes, that’s my name, but I go by Mii):
Don’t do it. It’s not worth it. You will have your own family one day. You need to stay strong so you can be there for them — and for mum when she gets older.
Or maybe just a few simple words:
It’s not worth it.
Sorry for such a deep conversation, but I wanted you to know a little bit of my background before sharing what I would have said to my younger self.What would you have told your younger self?
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› Why I Don’t Feel Like I Belong in Sweden — My Travel Dreams & Bucket List
Not about escaping — it’s about finding where my soul feels at home beyond Sweden
— Porch Talk —
All my life I’ve felt like there is something more out there for me. Discover hidden gems, see how people live in different parts of the world. Explore, discover and experience.
Not in a dramatic “I hate everything here” kind of way (almost though) — I may be born in Sweden but the urge to “escape” is huge.
I want to go all over the world – Spain, Greece, America, Australia, New Zealand, Vietnam, Kenya and so many more places.
I want to see and experience culture, food, streets and everything. Not tourist things but those hidden alleys with stories of each person in each household. See their windows, flowers, garden, back alleys (all this of course without trespassing or being a creep) and see, just their personality.
Traveling, for me, isn’t just about checking off tourist spots and bucket list to be honest — even though I have some special places I wish to go to. It’s about feeling something.
Maybe it looks like escaping. Maybe part of it is. But I think it’s more about searching for something I haven’t found yet.
It’s not about escaping Sweden — it’s about finding the right place for me whether it’s in Norway, Spain or Vietnam or somewhere else.
It’s more about this constant feeling of wanting to explore what exists beyond what I already know.
I want freedom. I want to feel like myself without needing to hide. I want to explore the world together with my son.Maybe that is what I’m searching for — not just places, but pieces of myself.
Explore. See. Feel. Hear. Touch. Breathe.— Question Jar —
● Do you think home is a place, a person, or a feeling?
● Have you ever felt like you were born in the wrong place?● If you could disappear to anywhere for a year — where would you go?