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› Finding My Old Blog After 9 Years | Memories, Old Photos & Who I Used to Be
Looking back at an old blog from 2017, old selfies, forgotten memories, family, grief, growing older and the person I used to be..
Having a best friend who stalks my old blog — okay, not stalks, but checks it from time to time — is actually hilarious.
I had completely forgotten about it. Not the blog itself, but the name of it! Until she sent me the link.
Oh my god.
I wrote on that blog last time on December 1, 2017. That is almost 9 years ago.
Going through the posts, seeing the pictures and reading a bit was a roller-coaster of emotions. Sometimes I laughed and sometimes I fought not to shed tears.
Reading about when I was learning Arabic, dealing with my mom’s cancer, my dad’s death and so much more… it really brought back a lot.
One thing I found absolutely hilarious was all the old photos of myself. WAOW! Holy… I don’t even know — cheese? 👀
Oh well. I was NOT ready for it.
I had completely forgotten about my “signature” selfie style. The makeup. The poses. Oh lord, how embarrassing!
Mind you, that blog had over 150 subscribers/followers that I called “ghosts” because I was obsessed with Halloween back then and I’m still obsessed with Halloween now. 😂
So at least 150 people saw those photos. I eventually closed down that blog because there was a lot going on in my personal life. I had no energy. Nothing to write about that felt worth writing about.
Not that EverFlow is much better…Haha!
These are a few of the pictures I found of myself on that blog and I am laughing so hard at myself.
Like… wow. How?!
My best friend said I looked older back then and I’m like: “Excuse me?” She said I should take it as a compliment that I look “younger” now.
She’s weird… I know. 😂Anyway, have fun.
Enjoy these 9 horrible photos of me from when I was 26–27 years old. Yup. i was almost 30 and walked around looking like that. I’m turning 36 now and barely wear makeup anymore.
What a journey and roller-coaster of thoughts, feelings etc 😂🖤 -
› What I Wish I Knew During My Darkest Depression
Have you ever had the thought, “If I could go back in time, what would I tell my younger self?”
For me… honestly, this post will be 1000% raw and authentic. The truth will be told here.
⚠️ Warning: mentions ofsuicide and self-harm ⚠️
If I’m being honest, I wish I could go back to the time when I was at my deepest depression — when I harmed myself badly, wrote goodbye letters to my mum, and tried so many times to end my life.
I wish I could go back in time and tell my mum not to worry — that I wouldn’t do it. Back when I slept with kitchen knives (not the ones you eat with) under my pillow.
Depression made me awful to my mum. Me harming myself hurt her deeply. I was awful to my siblings too, who dropped everything the second they noticed I was gone. My brother drove back and forth looking for me. My siblings ran around calling my name, trying to find me, terrorized by the calls and the fear of not knowing where I was.
If I could turn back time and know what I know today, I would have stopped.
I would have told younger Emma (yes, that’s my name, but I go by Mii):
Don’t do it. It’s not worth it. You will have your own family one day. You need to stay strong so you can be there for them — and for mum when she gets older.
Or maybe just a few simple words:
It’s not worth it.
Sorry for such a deep conversation, but I wanted you to know a little bit of my background before sharing what I would have said to my younger self.What would you have told your younger self?
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› Why I Don’t Feel Like I Belong in Sweden — My Travel Dreams & Bucket List
Not about escaping — it’s about finding where my soul feels at home beyond Sweden
— Porch Talk —
All my life I’ve felt like there is something more out there for me. Discover hidden gems, see how people live in different parts of the world. Explore, discover and experience.
Not in a dramatic “I hate everything here” kind of way (almost though) — I may be born in Sweden but the urge to “escape” is huge.
I want to go all over the world – Spain, Greece, America, Australia, New Zealand, Vietnam, Kenya and so many more places.
I want to see and experience culture, food, streets and everything. Not tourist things but those hidden alleys with stories of each person in each household. See their windows, flowers, garden, back alleys (all this of course without trespassing or being a creep) and see, just their personality.
Traveling, for me, isn’t just about checking off tourist spots and bucket list to be honest — even though I have some special places I wish to go to. It’s about feeling something.
Maybe it looks like escaping. Maybe part of it is. But I think it’s more about searching for something I haven’t found yet.
It’s not about escaping Sweden — it’s about finding the right place for me whether it’s in Norway, Spain or Vietnam or somewhere else.
It’s more about this constant feeling of wanting to explore what exists beyond what I already know.
I want freedom. I want to feel like myself without needing to hide. I want to explore the world together with my son.Maybe that is what I’m searching for — not just places, but pieces of myself.
Explore. See. Feel. Hear. Touch. Breathe.— Question Jar —
● Do you think home is a place, a person, or a feeling?
● Have you ever felt like you were born in the wrong place?● If you could disappear to anywhere for a year — where would you go?
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› How I Stepped Out of My Comfort Zone Despite Body Insecurities
Stepping out of my comfort zone while struggling with body insecurities felt terrifying, but after 30+ hours awake, six bus rides, and a full day of parenting, I still challenged myself to do something scary.
Even with zero sleep, I still did something my son loves — riding the bus.
We went into town to buy my Propud for smoothies, berries, and other essentials, but also to help E practice his social skills.
Two stores, heavy backpacks, and significantly poorer later…
We came home with a toy for E, candy, Pepsi Max (yup, of course), six protein shakes for my smoothies, frozen mangoes and raspberries, a bag of chips, ice cream, bananas, nicotine pouches, on-the-go yogurt, an energy drink, and a can of Pepsi Max.
Let me count…
1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6.
Six bus rides in just two hours.
That’s honestly insane.
At the same time, I challenged myself by stepping way out of my comfort zone — which felt terrifying.
How?
I tied up my shirt so it became a cropped top, meaning I showed a bit of my stomach (see pictures), and I also went out wearing lace leggings.
I never show my stomach, so that alone was huge for me.
Funny enough, the leggings were actually too big for me, which is a pretty massive result of my ongoing weight loss journey — WOHO!
That gives me even more motivation to keep going and reach my goal.
At least E was happy, and I didn’t crash, so I’ll call that a win 🙌🏼
I can honestly say I’m pretty impressed that even after 30+ hours with zero sleep… I was still up and walking. -
› When Self-Care Turns Into Self-Reflection
Pull Up a Chair · A personal reflections on perfectionism, self-care and learning to let things grow naturally 🖤
Normally Sunday is a home-spa night for me but I had to do it now – Tuesday. You know, cleansing, scrubs, masks etc. The whole shebang.
After these two intense days of trying to make everything perfect for EverFlow, I realized I had become too obsessed with perfection and had to force myself to stop — which was a massive struggle for me.
I will let this house stand on its own foundation, and we can decorate it together over time.
Yes, I have changed my focus for EverFlow. It is no longer just a place for me to share, but a home with room for others too.
I have created a new category with a few subcategories that I will introduce later, when the time feels right. What I can say for now is that it feels more inviting… and it makes this space feel less like “me, me, me” all the time. I have been feeling that for a while now, so I decided to change directions.
EverFlow will always be my home — my place to write, vent and share life as it flows. But I also want this home to feel welcoming, like a place where you can sit down, stay awhile and feel like part of something.
I hope you all understand what I mean.
Funny how a simple spa night turned into this realization…