What I Wish I Knew During My Darkest Depression

Have you ever had the thought, “If I could go back in time, what would I tell my younger self?”

For me… honestly, this post will be 1000% raw and authentic. The truth will be told here.

⚠️ Warning: mentions of

suicide and self-harm ⚠️

If I’m being honest, I wish I could go back to the time when I was at my deepest depression — when I harmed myself badly, wrote goodbye letters to my mum, and tried so many times to end my life.

I wish I could go back in time and tell my mum not to worry — that I wouldn’t do it. Back when I slept with kitchen knives (not the ones you eat with) under my pillow.

Depression made me awful to my mum. Me harming myself hurt her deeply. I was awful to my siblings too, who dropped everything the second they noticed I was gone. My brother drove back and forth looking for me. My siblings ran around calling my name, trying to find me, terrorized by the calls and the fear of not knowing where I was.

If I could turn back time and know what I know today, I would have stopped.

I would have told younger Emma (yes, that’s my name, but I go by Mii):
Don’t do it. It’s not worth it. You will have your own family one day. You need to stay strong so you can be there for them — and for mum when she gets older.

Or maybe just a few simple words:
It’s not worth it.



Sorry for such a deep conversation, but I wanted you to know a little bit of my background before sharing what I would have said to my younger self.

What would you have told your younger self?