• › What I Wish I Knew During My Darkest Depression

    31/07/2026


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    Have you ever had the thought, “If I could go back in time, what would I tell my younger self?”

    For me… honestly, this post will be 1000% raw and authentic. The truth will be told here.


    ⚠️ Warning: mentions of

    suicide and self-harm ⚠️


    If I’m being honest, I wish I could go back to the time when I was at my deepest depression — when I harmed myself badly, wrote goodbye letters to my mum, and tried so many times to end my life.

    I wish I could go back in time and tell my mum not to worry — that I wouldn’t do it. Back when I slept with kitchen knives (not the ones you eat with) under my pillow.

    Depression made me awful to my mum. Me harming myself hurt her deeply. I was awful to my siblings too, who dropped everything the second they noticed I was gone. My brother drove back and forth looking for me. My siblings ran around calling my name, trying to find me, terrorized by the calls and the fear of not knowing where I was.

    If I could turn back time and know what I know today, I would have stopped.

    I would have told younger Emma (yes, that’s my name, but I go by Mii):
    Don’t do it. It’s not worth it. You will have your own family one day. You need to stay strong so you can be there for them — and for mum when she gets older.

    Or maybe just a few simple words:
    It’s not worth it.



    Sorry for such a deep conversation, but I wanted you to know a little bit of my background before sharing what I would have said to my younger self.

    What would you have told your younger self?

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  • › Safer, But Still Looking Over My Shoulder

    08/07/2026


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    Remember the two post i wrote about being scared? About me been keeping a secret from you guys?

    You can read them here;

    PART 1 — The Secret I’ve Been Carrying
    PART 2 — Some Things Stay Private for a Reason

    This will be the PART 3

    This generated picture of me (my picture but the rest is generated) is showing how I feel right now —  safe, relieved, protected and calm.





    I got my new phone number the other day. I feel a little bit more safe. I spoke with the phone company and asked for ultimate private number — due to all the reasons (I have linked them above).

    Not only for my safety but also for my son’s safety. I can’t go into too many details because I don’t know if this home — EverFlow — is being watched or read because of the situation, so I constantly have to think a couple of steps ahead. 

    I still have to look over my shoulder to stay alert and I may be safer now than before, I still can’t completely relax until I know that my son and I are 100% safe.

    I wonder when that will happen..

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