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› Currently running on anxiety and caffeine
Trying to survive another week of stress, meetings, and overthinking.
When will this finally be over?
Tomorrow, I have another meeting about the accusations and the lawsuit.
For the past two hours, I’ve been sitting with law books & internet, reading different laws, paragraphs, rules, and documents about how the school has treated me.
Fight for my rights. Fight for the truth
One month.
A constant battle.
Me against them.
The law is on my side, and I know I did the right thing, but somehow they always manage to twist everything around and make it feel like it’s my fault instead.
I now have seven pages written down with laws, arguments, and everything I need to bring up tomorrow.
This time, there will also be another person involved.
Someone higher up.
Someone who hopefully actually listens.My thoughts are everywhere right now.
I can’t focus.
I can’t relax.
My mind is running at full speed.
Anxiety.
Stress.
That small feeling of panic sitting in my chest.
And honestly?
I don’t know how this will end.
Better?
Worse?
I really don’t know. -
› Happy New month!!
Happy March! I can’t believe that it’s already march! It’s insane! I hope this month will treat me better than what February did. I wish you all a wonderful month!
(oops I forgot the headline – 10.47pm)
thank god for filter. The dark circles under my eyes is a no joke. I really look like a raccoon.
I thought I would do a small little recap of February (of things I remember) just to have for fun something to look back at.
Personal; working on my mental health × have had ups and downs × still working on the medicines and trying to find the right one.
School; sock puppets × exams × me being/acting like a troublemaker (when we pretended to be toddlers in preschool) × painted my face with color during one of the classes × burned my fingers multiple times when crafting
February is a horrible month here in Sweden when it’s actually super common and “typical February” that many become sick. First me for a week and then my son for a week. So that haa been mostly our month. M has actually been sick as well so we all three has been ill.
Fun stuff; This month I have actually been with E a lot more. Laughs, talking crazy accents that took me days to come out from. Traveled to another town over the day to change location a bit. Eaten food at restaurant- well, a pizza shop. I always take burger and E takes kebab.
I have also been social training my son by going on a bus to a big supermarket. It went so, so well! So proud of him! Earlier I (still am) was nervous, scared, and anxious about trying to go out somewhere else with E due to the fact that I never knew when the explosion of emotions would happen. But these two times went super well! We also ate burgers at the pizza shop. He was so well-behaved. So proud! Sure, he tested me like any other child, but overall, I’m super proud!
That was a small little recap of my February. What is your recap?
The time is currently 10.45pm and I’m writing this in bed while listening to calm / soft music which normally makes me irritated etc but this Playlist is ok. Tomorrow is school and I hope I manage to get up in the morning to be able to go.
Alarm goes off in.. 6 hours ish.
So I’m going to say goodnight for now and thank you all so so much for sticking around, checking in, and showing love. ♡
Much love ❤️
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› Chaos, paint on face, volcano and.. troublemaker
First day back after two weeks!
Oh my god, my head is tired! I went to school today for the first time after being home for two weeks, and it really takes on my energy and head. Don’t worry, the father had a day off from work, so he was home taking care of E.
Today we did a volcano that I have only seen in movies and series—a VOLCANO! Well, I didn’t participate in the design of making it, etc., but I participated today as a “teacher,” showing kindergarten kids what happens if you mix different ingredients, etc. I barely did any talking because I was focused on taking videos and pictures because it was so much fun! And something new!
When a group was giving their presentations, the rest of us had to pretend to be kindergarten children, and if you know me, I went ALL IN. Everyone was those quiet, non-troublemaker, so I was the loudest, troublemaker child. Haha!
Heck, I even painted on my face because some kids do that. I really went all in on the character.
Just a little bit of paint, and oh my god, the reaction my skin got after! Burning, itching, and awful. So when I came home, I cleaned it better (only used soap and water in school) with facial cleaning water and put moisturizer on.
Due to the bad lightning and me trying to fix the lightning of the picture, the black mooshed out paint doesn’t show.
Another group gave us assignments to make animals of toilet paper rolls, and I did a bat, but during lunch break I was bored, so I tried to make a spider and paint it. I will take a picture tomorrow if it. I didn’t finish any of them though, haha! I didn’t have time!
The third group had dancing, etc. We got to dance to different songs and try yoga positions, and oh my god, I now know I am old when my hip and arm hurt. Lol!
So; First making animals of paper rolls. Then our volcano experiment and last dance time.
This was my Monday. Crazy fun, but oh my, the energy is gone on me and the headache. No joke! Haha! But it was a fun day in school, but I realized that I have missed so many fun things they have done for these past two weeks.
I hope you all have / had a wonderful Monday!
Much love ♡
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› Return.. to the… oh no
Preparing mentally for the return to school.
I know I have been quiet but honestly, my mental is getting prepared (plus recharged) to go back to school with over 3k kids. 😬
Hello, my beautiful souls! 🩷 I hope you all are doing well! I haven’t blogged since January 5th, I know, but I have been trying to get as much rest as I could before school starts tomorrow. I was so stressed and had so much panic, etc., about me sending the assignments in before the deadline, so I crashed after. Mentally, my entire body and brain got drained of so much energy.
— ADHD —
I have fallen asleep daily during the daytime, and I have also, in between this, started with new medication. I’m trying ADHD medicine again (I have not had medicines for ADHD since I was 20). I tried once, but wow… bad), and that one makes me tired as well.
— Makeup —
Pink & Blue. Yes, I walked outside with these looks. On the blue look I have added blue eyeshadow on the eyebrows as well (after taken the pics).
I have had some energy twice so far that I have actually done makeup. If you know me, I’m obsessed with makeup and love to do makeup looks, but you know… THAT happened, but I’m slowly getting back to it. I mean, I have done it twice already! The last time before these two I did makeup was in September, and before that, March. So going from having makeup daily to having it once in a while is a big change.
One of my goals for 2026 (I posted it earlier, but this is just a reminder to myself) is to try to get back to doing makeup and to try to have energy to do the things I love, such as makeup, photography, blogging, and going for walks. I miss being out in nature. Of course, with my camera in one hand and a stick to remove branches, etc., with the other hand.
— WRONG BROWN! —
Since I go back to school tomorrow (read, +3k students), I wanted to dye my hair. New semester, new hair. Honestly, I wanted to dye it red, but to let my hair rest, I did brown. It doesn’t make me dye my hair often if I have brown compared to when I have red. 😬 When I have red hair, I dye it 3-5 times a week—yes, you read that right!!! So imagine how ruined my hair is. Everything to just keep my bright neon red hair going.
I tried to make the light “normal,” but I took these in the bathroom, and it has yellow lights, so I apologize for that. // ADHD & HAIR DYE—total disaster / No, I didn’t put a stamp on these.
I thought I bought just a regular brown hair dye and after looking in the mirror, it was super super dark! Yes I took selfie with the cardboard box but I didn’t look at the number 😬 I had taken dark brown and it looks almost black on me. Oh my.
So we’ll see how it looks tomorrow when I get ready for school. I always let my hair air dry, so I don’t know how the color really is until tomorrow 😅 it dries super slow.
— Wish me luck —
I’m both excited and mostly anxious about going back to school. I don’t know if I passed the classes last semester or not. Honestly, I don’t feel motivated to go back, but I refuse to quit now.
I hope you all have a wonderful week 🩷🩷🩷
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› Stress, Coffee and Performance
Today is a coffee day! Stress, chaos, brain disconnected and a proud moment.
Goodmorning my
beautiful souls 🩷
As you have read above, today / this morning havent been a good morning except watching my son preform in school (a tradition) now when it was Lucia last Saturday (13th December). He did so good! I had to cover my face though so I had like a burka (sorry! No disrespect!) so only my eyes was showing so I could watch him.
If he would have seen me, he would have run to me instead of being with the kids on the “stage” preforming. He did so good. Unfortunately we weren’t allowed to take pictures during the performance so this picture below is taken before it started.
Advent 🕯
When the performance was at the end, they put music on loud so everyone including the audience (the parents) could join and dance with everyone and that’s when it became too much for E. He started to cover his ears, cry and have a meltdown so I removed my jacket from my face so he saw me and I went over to him. He cried so much. I was praising E so much, telling him that he was so good and how proud me and his dad is.
We left instead of joining them for fika (a must in Sweden – cookies and beverages) so E wouldn’t get all worked up and refusing to stay in school. So a few hugs and kisses and the teacher walked away with him.
Now to the chaos part
I AM SO CLUMPSY! To enter the school we need a passing card and I remembered i forgot mine at home in all stress that happened this morning to go in time so we wouldn’t miss E’s performance.
So M dropped me off at the bus, I went home again to get it, repacked my bag for school, and quickly changed outfits. I don’t want to go to school with a dress and toooooo much showing. I noticed that when I came home! Ohmygod! Fortunately I had covered my body so it wasn’t showing for anyone.
Now it’s a coffee morning!
Due to all the stress, chaos etc I felt it was time for ice coffee and luckily I have many in cans so I dumped two cans in my mug. I havent had these for a long time so I was hesitant first but after first sip it was like angels sang in my ears.
Coffee makes me tired so I can calm down a bit. ADHD and caffeine is a good combo if you wanna get tired and calm down.
Now I am on my way to school- I will be approximately 2h and 20minutes late. But hey, i notified my teacher last night that I will be late and I messaged her explaining what was going on so she told me to take it easy and no stress. That felt so good. But unfortunately I have missed a lot but what to do? Today it was about my son and unfortunately this happened.
I will blog later today—first school thought. Home and study, but I will fix it. I have wanted to blog so many times, but due to me being so tired and barely having anything happen, I didn’t, but now I’m going to get back again to the blogging. I will also answer your comments! I see you 🩷
Currently playing in my ears; Cher – Stronger
I mean, how fitting isn’t that? I have became obsessed with one song with Cher!
It is sooooo good!! I listen to it on repeat!