A day filled with thoughts, fears, flowers, camera gear, and small moments in between.

A regular day with a lot of thinking. I attended a workshop for parents of autistic children. We learned tips and ideas on how to handle depression and how to notice the signs before it is too late.

It scared me. It made me face the reality that my son may—hopefully not—develop depression and suicidal thoughts in the future. Apparently, it is extremely common among children with autism, which means he is at high risk.

So this course was a must for me. I think it was more directed toward parents of teenagers, but it was still good for me to learn about the warning signs and what to look out for in the future.

I have personally been through all of this myself, and I am currently struggling with depression—though no suicidal thoughts anymore. I had them when I was younger, and I think that is what scared me the most. I do not want him to follow in my footsteps, so I am taking every chance I can to learn more about autism, mental health, and everything in between.

So today, when I picked up E from after-school care—or whatever to call it — I hugged him tightly and almost broke down crying.

Why?

Because I am scared.

I am terrified of the future. Terrified that E will follow in my footsteps. And honestly, I now understand what my mom went through with me. I owe her my whole heart for all the protection, love, and support she gave me.

Enough sadness for now — even though I believe it is important to talk openly about these things. I am not ashamed of it. But this internet home for everyone is not going to be associated with depression only.

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I also picked up a package today with things I ordered for my camera gear and for the Bulgaria trip — 38 days left! Woooh!

Camera lens covers, strings to attach them to the camera so I do not lose them, and two new bags. I am already using the blue one in the picture, and I also ordered a black sports bag that I will use as a cabin bag for the flight. Later, my son can use it for sleepovers. I will show that one later.