🕷 The Goth Mom Chronicles
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› People Stare, I Explode — A Raw Autism Parenting Moment

— RANT POST! SO MAD I COULD EXPLODE! —
Warning: I yelled and cussed, which I will write here. I apologize in advance.Also sharing a moment I had with my son
Having a child with special needs is very difficult and a big challenge, but that is nothing compared to people staring, judging and making situations even worse when things happen.
My son E has level 3 autism and is non-verbal, which makes it hard for him to explain or tell anyone what he wants.
Today we went to the supermarket (well, we just came home and I am fuming) to buy bread in the first place, but I quickly had to change plans and we will do that later instead.
Anyway, here’s how it went.
We had to go to the recycling bins with some cardboard, but E didn’t want to go the back way to the supermarket — he wanted to go the “right” way.
I tried over and over to get him to follow me, but he didn’t listen.
Instead, he threw a tantrum and sat down on the asphalt road.
I explained to him over and over again the plan we made at home — recycling, store, home, bus — but this time it didn’t work.
While this situation was happening, I saw people sitting outside (at my old workplace) staring at us.
It made me so mad I was fuming — of course not at E, but at them.
So when I finally managed to get E off the ground and over to the recycling bins (I had to bribe him with my phone), I looked at them and yelled:
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU STARING AT?! HE HAS FUCKING AUTISM!”
They started pointing and shaking their heads, so I yelled again:
“KEEP SHAKING YOUR FUCKING HEADS, YOU DUMBFUCKS!”
Yes, I admit — I was rude as fuck towards them. But I couldn’t control myself in that situation.
Luckily, a neighbor came by who was also going to the recycling area.
She quickly realized how angry I was, so she started talking to me:
“Oh! How tall you are, E! You are growing so fast!”
Note that we moved here four years ago, so it is a massive change in him.
It instantly changed my focus.
I was always focused on E, but my neighbor managed to shift my focus into having a calm conversation, and the steam coming out of my ears slowly stopped.
Meanwhile, E had my phone and — remember this post, “Will he follow in my footsteps?” — he took so many photos on our walk to the supermarket after recycling.
Mostly selfies inside the store, so I’m not going to share those.
But we were looking at flowers, so I helped him look around and pointed:
“E, there. Purple flower.”
And he took a photo.
So I really — honestly, from the bottom of my heart — hope that he will follow in my footsteps.
In the store — oh my God.
Taking selfies like crazy and flirting with the ladies. It was insane. I almost didn’t get him to go home after shopping 💀
We had ice cream on our way home, so I will post a review of it later.
— Enjoy E’s photos below —T














I apologize for this post
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› Why I Dream of Going to Kenya — And Why I Hate Zoos
How about you? Let me know your answer in the comments below — I’d love to read 🖤
— Question Jar —
It’s a lot but here we go with two easy ones.
(AI-generated version of me) What’s something people don’t know about you? Here are two things most people don’t know about me: I dream of going to Kenya to disconnect from technology and spend time near elephants — and I strongly believe wild animals belong in nature, not zoos.
I want to go to Kenya and be technology-free for a week or so. Maybe not completely technology-free since I’d still use my cameras. But no social media, no messages — no nothing.
Why Kenya? Simple answer: elephants.
I love elephants and have since I was a very young toddler. I used to have around 200 porcelain, wooden, and jade elephant statues, but sadly I had to get rid of most of them.
I’ve always wanted to see elephants with my own eyes. Sure, I have seen them — twice.
I cried the first time I saw them, both out of happiness and sadness.
The second time I saw them, I got angry.
Seeing them locked up in a zoo — not just elephants, but all animals — and not being in their natural habitat makes me incredibly upset.
Sanctuaries are great for protecting and helping animals, but zoos? Na.
I wish they were illegal.
I’m so happy the EU made it illegal for circuses to have animals, and I wish that mindset would continue when it comes to zoos too.
So I guess that’s actually two things:
● One — I want to go to Kenya and disconnect from technology for a while.
● Two — I hate zoos.
What’s something people don’t know about you? -
› Some Things Stay Private for a Reason
Some secrets are not kept out of shame — but out of survival.

There’s some relief… but I’m still on my toes, and my nervous system hasn’t left survival mode — I’m not sure it ever will. Remember the secret I had been carrying?
I’ve taken more steps to protect both myself and E.
I won’t go into details — and that’s intentional.
Some things are better kept private, especially when safety becomes part of your everyday life.
What I can say is this: I’ve done everything I can to create more distance, more boundaries, and more protection around our lives.
Even with that, fear doesn’t just disappear overnight.
Living in constant alert changes something in you.
You start thinking differently.
Moving differently.
Trusting differently.
Your nervous system never fully relaxes because part of you is always scanning for danger, always preparing for the “what if.”
Most of all, I worry about E.
That fear sits deeper than anything else.
I’m trying my best to create safety, peace, and stability — even on the days when fear feels louder than reason.
And maybe that’s what survival sometimes looks like:
Not the absence of fear.
But continuing anyway.Read part 1 ~> here
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› How I Stepped Out of My Comfort Zone Despite Body Insecurities
Stepping out of my comfort zone while struggling with body insecurities felt terrifying, but after 30+ hours awake, six bus rides, and a full day of parenting, I still challenged myself to do something scary.
Even with zero sleep, I still did something my son loves — riding the bus.
We went into town to buy my Propud for smoothies, berries, and other essentials, but also to help E practice his social skills.
Two stores, heavy backpacks, and significantly poorer later…
We came home with a toy for E, candy, Pepsi Max (yup, of course), six protein shakes for my smoothies, frozen mangoes and raspberries, a bag of chips, ice cream, bananas, nicotine pouches, on-the-go yogurt, an energy drink, and a can of Pepsi Max.

Let me count…
1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6.
Six bus rides in just two hours.
That’s honestly insane.
At the same time, I challenged myself by stepping way out of my comfort zone — which felt terrifying.
How?
I tied up my shirt so it became a cropped top, meaning I showed a bit of my stomach (see pictures), and I also went out wearing lace leggings.
I never show my stomach, so that alone was huge for me.
Funny enough, the leggings were actually too big for me, which is a pretty massive result of my ongoing weight loss journey — WOHO!
That gives me even more motivation to keep going and reach my goal.
At least E was happy, and I didn’t crash, so I’ll call that a win 🙌🏼
I can honestly say I’m pretty impressed that even after 30+ hours with zero sleep… I was still up and walking. -
› 32 Hours Awake: Sleep Deprivation, Parenting & Pure Survival Mode
32+ hours awake, one overenergized child, zero brain cells, and caffeine as a personality trait. Welcome to survival mode. 😄🖤💀

Guess what? I still haven’t gotten any sleep.
It’s currently 5 PM, and I can honestly say: I A M D E A D.
Not literally, but you get what I mean.
My son is still all over the place, full of energy, and I’m honestly jealous. If I had even one percent of his energy, I’d be happy.
Headache ✅
Sound sensitive ✅
Light sensitive ✅
I was hoping I’d at least get a nap during the day, but with my luck… I doubt it.
I need to keep E awake for the rest of the day, otherwise I’ll probably have another night like this, and my body and mental health honestly can’t handle that.
So here we go 😵💫 A few more hours to survive.
I’m praying he sleeps tonight because I have a super important meeting tomorrow that I absolutely need to attend.
I’ve officially been awake for 32 hours and 30 minutes… and I definitely feel it.How’s your day?