π· The Goth Mom Chronicles
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βΊ Sleep Deprivation Is Brutal: 3AM, Peppa Pig & A Massive Headache
What happens when your child wakes up at 11pm and refuses to sleep? Chaos!
Sleepless night.
Sleep deprived & massive headache.
Tired momma
So my son decided to wake up at 23.00 and here we are, around 3am. Watching Peppa Pig. Yes I let him watch TV just because M is sleeping and has to get up early to go to work.
I’m sitting on the couch, struggling with headache – light shifting from TV, the lamps in the window and the fan in the kitchen. All at the same time
While being up (I don’t sleep when my son is awake – no matter how tired I am)Β I deleted over 3k files on my phone – pictures. That’s crazy and I still haven’t gone through all the albums π I don’t wanna know how many I have honestly.
On my old phone I always had around 10-15k in the gallery (pictures and videos) so right now I’m trying to declutter and save “just because I might need/use it for the future”. Na – be gone crap!Β To the trash bin you go!
I wonder if I will be able to stay awake the whole day till tomorrow’s bed time. That will be a challenge, that’s for sure! -
βΊ Chaotic Thoughts, Expensive Medicine & Pepsi Max Addiction
Not every day is productive β some days are just survival mode.
The struggle is real today. Another day has come to an end and I have actually been struggling a lot with my head. So many chaotic thoughts, mental struggle and all that shebang.
Today hasnβt been much other than I went to the drugstore and got my new medicine. Ridiculously expensive! 3907 SEK! That is 353β¬ and/or $402. This will be the price for me MONTHLY πΒ I almost passed out (not literally)Β when I saw the amount.
Holy h*ll!
I also went to the supermarket. I was only going there to buy French fries but I left the store with 8 bottles of Pepsi Max and the French fries.
I know – Emma… you just bought a lot of Pepsi Max..yes, yes I did but .. a girl can never have enough. Plus it was on sale/campaign so .. why not? π π I think i need to enter a rehab for Pepsi Max addiction.Β Like no joke (joking at the same time).
Oops.
Bulgaria trip; I have started to pack. I know,Β 3 weeks-ish till the bon voyage but me, ADHD and chaotic memory need to do this. But today I only fixed the travel bottles with essentials I need. I haven’t brought the suitcase up from the storage room yet but if I know myself, it will come up to my beloved bedroom within a few days. Oops! π
My mental struggle today has been that I haven’t had energy. Also talking with the doctor about my meds made me exhausted. So much information I had in a 3-minuteo call. Crazy. So I have aΒ migraine right now – not only because of the phone call but the stress around everything. -
βΊ When Self-Care Turns Into Self-Reflection
Pull Up a Chair Β· A personal reflections on perfectionism, self-care and learning to let things grow naturally π€
Normally Sunday is a home-spa night for me but I had to do it now – Tuesday. You know, cleansing, scrubs, masks etc. The whole shebang.
After these two intense days of trying to make everything perfect for EverFlow, I realized I had become too obsessed with perfection and had to force myself to stop β which was a massive struggle for me.
I will let this house stand on its own foundation, and we can decorate it together over time.
Yes, I have changed my focus for EverFlow. It is no longer just a place for me to share, but a home with room for others too.
I have created a new category with a few subcategories that I will introduce later, when the time feels right. What I can say for now is that it feels more invitingβ¦ and it makes this space feel less like βme, me, meβ all the time. I have been feeling that for a while now, so I decided to change directions.
EverFlow will always be my home β my place to write, vent and share life as it flows. But I also want this home to feel welcoming, like a place where you can sit down, stay awhile and feel like part of something.
I hope you all understand what I mean.
Funny how a simple spa night turned into this realization⦠-
βΊ The Secret Iβve Been Carrying
Some fears are too heavy to carry in silence.
I have kept a secret from you guys.
I donβt even know how to fully explain it, but this AI-generated image of me captures the feeling better than words ever could
Ai generated picture of me and this situation.
Let me share a little β but not everything.
There are countless photos and videos of me and my son that have been saved. Manipulated images of us in different scenarios…and there is so much more I could say.
I want to tell you everything. I truly do.
But right now, I donβt know if this person has access to my blog, and that uncertainty alone is enough to make me hesitate.
Living with that kind of fearβ¦ constantly wondering who is watching, what they know, and what they might do with the things they collect β it changes you.
It puts your nervous system on high alert.
It steals your sense of safety.
And honestly? I am exhausted. -
βΊ Ready for an Adventure
Hello my beautiful flowers! I hope you all are doing good! How are you?
ββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββA bus ride, a crowded grocery store and one very determined little adventurer.
I just sat down after today’s adventure with E. As you know, he has autism – level 3 – and is non-verbal. Due to him not having the after-school care thingy for the rest of the summer, I have to come up with a million ideas of what to do with him – like I normally do, but living here, it’s not that fun. At least he enjoys it.
Today’s adventure; bus, grocery store, bus and home.
He has been nagging about the trip we went on to another city – bus, train, shopping, train, bus – and I have always felt really bad for saying “not today, maybe tomorrow” etc.
Today he repeatedly said “bus, shopping – bus” and started to get ready > pants, shirt, underwear (he took care of his hygiene himself), brushed his teeth and hair, put on his shoes and jacket.
“Ready!” all of a sudden I heard while I was out on the balcony.
I laughed when I saw him ready for an adventure, so I took him on a bus ride (he is obsessed with buses) and the joy when we finally sat down on the bus. Oh my.
When I saw the parking lot at the grocery store, my heart started to beat super fast and I felt that I didn’t want to do this. The parking lot was MAXED with cars! It was insane!
But I had promised E, so I ignored my feelings and we got off. I told E to hold my hand and whatever he did – do not let my hand go.
Luckily, if a child gets lost in Sweden, people usually help them find their parent or notify store staff. So while I was worried about the crowds and the noise, I wasn’t worried about E getting abducted or anything like that.
While inside, oh my God. I wanted to turn around instantly. My mind was racing:
“How will this go? How will E act?” (He gets tantrums when there are a lot of people and noises.) “Where are the hearing protections?” etc.
Toys; as a reward (before actually entering the food sections of the store), I got him a second train. I knew that would help him stay a little calmer because he could focus on that one.
Food sections; thank God I have taught E to hold the cart in front of me and me behind him. So it’s me – E – cart.
Because oh my Lord how insane people are when holidays are happening in Sweden. This time; Midsummer.
We literally had to do a maze between people to grab our stuff and when we were outside after the shopping, I let out the biggest sigh of relief. We were done.
We did it!
Remind me to never go to grocery stores during holidays or a few days before. It was worse than Christmas time and people in Sweden are insane when it comes to Christmas and Easter.