π· The Goth Mom Chronicles
-
βΊ I Thought I Had Made My Decision
I thought I had already made my decision, but now Iβm not so sure anymore.

Not the flattered picture of me but this is literally how I feel and look like right now. Chaos in head and a decision that needs to be made.
Yesterday was my last day at school.
And honestly?
It feels wrong.
I really wanted this education.
I already told my teacher that I probably wonβt return next semester, even though I only have five months left.
Because of the false accusations and everything that happened during my internship, I most likely wonβt pass anyway.
What hurts even more is knowing I probably wonβt get another chance to finish it later. The school apparently wonβt continue offering this education due to too few applicants.
So this might really be the end.
On my way to the bus after school, a classmate suddenly stopped me.
βEmma, I really donβt think you should drop out.β
We normally donβt even talk much, so hearing that caught me completely off guard.
I explained why I felt like giving up, but she just kept saying:
.βF*ck them. Show them youβre serious about this education and that you wonβt take any bullshit.β
It turns out sheβs struggling with problems there too.
And honestly?
Now Iβm confused all over again.
Because part of me still wants this so badly.
I want to move forward.
I want to continue studying.
I want to become a preschool teacher someday.
But at the same time, this entire situation has mentally drained me.
And because of everything that happened, I still wonβt officially qualify to work in preschool after this education anyway.
So now my head feels like complete chaos.
One moment I want to quit.
The next moment I start rethinking everything.
Luckily, I still have about one and a half months before I have to make the final decision. -
βΊ Currently Running on Stress and Caffeine
Stress, chaos, and an unhealthy amount of caffeine. Oops!

Today’s summary:
β Hospital & meetings
β Phone calls
β Picking up medicine
β Grocery shopping
β Making dinner
β Stress
β Chaos
β Pepsi Max
β Bed and music ~ Warrior Shaman
That’s it.
That’s the Friday.Simple but chaotic.
-
βΊ Will He Follow in My Footsteps?
The thought of sharing photography with him one day makes my heart so happy.
The curiosity is definitely there.

The camera is super old. I think I was 16 when I bought it.
When he saw me taking photos with my camera and trying to figure out how to get sharper focus, he suddenly ran off and grabbed my old digital camera from when I was younger.
Yes, it still works.
Seeing him become interested in the same hobby I love is honestly a feeling I canβt even describe properly.
I really hope his curiosity for photography stays as he gets older.
Just imagining little mother-and-son adventures with cameras, camera gear, and photo walks together gives me chills in the best way.
Iβm manifesting it. -
βΊ Mentally Exhausted From Fighting
At some point, constant conflict starts draining the life out of you.
I honestly thought this principal would be different.
But man, I was wrong.
I needed some time to process everything that was said during the meeting before writing about it. My thoughts were everywhere afterward, and honestly, I still feel mentally exhausted.βββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
So hereβs the shorter version in list form.
β They asked deeply personal questions about my health, ADHD, medication, and mental health history.
β Somehow the conversation drifted into photography, animals, zoos, and career choices, which honestly felt completely irrelevant to the actual issue.
β Neither the principal nor the other person in the meeting seemed to believe me.
β The person supporting me had to step in multiple times because they kept shifting the blame onto me.
β It felt like they had already decided the outcome before the meeting even started.
β They suggested I should talk to the school nurse instead.
β They claimed I was wrong about the laws I had spent hours researching and writing down the night before.
β The most frustrating part? They didnβt even seem familiar with some of the school laws themselves.At some point, you stop fighting to be understood and start wondering if the fight is even worth it anymore.
Thatβs honestly where my head is right now.
This entire situation has drained me mentally.
The constant conflicts.
Defending myself.
The feeling of never being heard.
Trying over and over again to explain that Iβm being falsely accused of things I havenβt done.
Iβve completely lost the spark I once had for this education.
And that hurts, because I truly wanted this.
I had already finished nine months.
Only five months were left.
But because of everything happening now, Iβm failing two classes and apparently wonβt even get the opportunity to fix them.
The education itself might not even return next year either, and without a new internship placement, I wouldnβt be able to continue anyway.
I dreamed about becoming a preschool teacher for a long time.
This education was supposed to be one step closer to that dream.
Now?
I honestly donβt know anymore.
Part of me is starting to wonder if dropping out would hurt less than constantly fighting to stay.I didnβt realize how mentally exhausting this would become.
-
βΊ Currently running on anxiety and caffeine
Trying to survive another week of stress, meetings, and overthinking.
When will this finally be over?
Tomorrow, I have another meeting about the accusations and the lawsuit.
For the past two hours, Iβve been sitting with law books & internet, reading different laws, paragraphs, rules, and documents about how the school has treated me.
Fight for my rights. Fight for the truth
One month.
A constant battle.
Me against them.
The law is on my side, and I know I did the right thing, but somehow they always manage to twist everything around and make it feel like itβs my fault instead.
I now have seven pages written down with laws, arguments, and everything I need to bring up tomorrow.
This time, there will also be another person involved.
Someone higher up.
Someone who hopefully actually listens.My thoughts are everywhere right now.
I canβt focus.
I canβt relax.
My mind is running at full speed.
Anxiety.
Stress.
That small feeling of panic sitting in my chest.
And honestly?
I donβt know how this will end.
Better?
Worse?
I really donβt know.